


Coming Home

by artificialjem (EvangelineRae)



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F, Foster Care, Parenthood, Past Addiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-09-14 23:50:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9210683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvangelineRae/pseuds/artificialjem
Summary: "What does it mean to have a family?"Sharon and Alaska decide to foster a teenage Violet.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi friends, it's Jem and I have finally got this Parent!Shalaska Child!Violet started for you. In this AU, Sharon and Alaska are girlfriends who decide to foster a teenage Violet. Let me know what you think, I'm open to suggestions for characters and plot. (Jinkx will be in this later fyi if you're wondering why I tagged her)

  
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Alaska asked her girlfriend, shuffling the stack of pamphlets on their kitchen counter.

There were other options. They could adopt, or one of them could have carried a baby, but Sharon was sure she wanted to do it this way.

"Think about us when we were young, and how much we could have used someone who loved and cared about us. I know I wouldn't have acted out so much." It's unspoken but Alaska knows Sharon means there wouldn't have been the drugs, the alcohol, the meaningless sex; a pattern they both fell into after the world tried to tell them they weren't good enough.

"And what if we can't help them?" Alaska asked genuinely.

"We do our best, and that's all we can do. That's all any parent can do."

Alaska was quiet for a moment, thinking. Sharon had a point there. The responsibility was scary, especially knowing that this child might not come from a nice past, but it was a responsibility every parent had to take on. She tapped her long nails against the granite, creating a gentle rhythm, and looked down to the stack of papers once again.

**Make a difference in a child's life**

That was the text written on the front of one of the pamphlets, surrounded by a children's crayon drawing of a child and two parents.

"Tell me you don't feel connected to these kids. Tell me that you don't want to try to give one of them a life full of love, a life they deserve." Sharon tried to convince her girlfriend, placing a hand on hers to stop the anxious nail tapping.

Alaska turned to meet Sharon's eyes again, finally still. "You're right."

"Of course I'm right, I'm always right." Sharon's face broke into a smile, and she turned toward Alaska to grab her face and kiss her.

\-------

There were months of preparation beforehand. Social workers came to check out the apartment, making sure it was safe and fit for a child. Sharon and Alaska had reorganized the guest bedroom, which used to be Alaska's art studio. Instead, they moved her things into a small rented space next door that was perfect for her practice.

And then there was the paperwork, pages and pages of it. Financial checks, criminal record checks, and an assessment of their relationship and past. It was all worth it though. The social workers, as a final step in the process, interviewed Sharon and Alaska at their home.

"And you would be taking care of the child together?" The social worker asked them. She was a woman in her forties who seemed quite kind. They were all sat around the living room coffee table, and Sharon and Alaska were trying not to be nervous.

"Yes." Sharon answered, squeezing Alaska's hand reassuringly. The blonde gave her a gentle smile in return.

"It's so sweet to see best friends fostering together. It can be a daunting task to do alone." The woman looked down to write something down on her clipboard.

Sharon was shocked for a moment. She began to shake, and she looked like she might yell at the lady. Alaska whispered to her to stay calm.

"We're partners, actually." Alaska said sweetly as Sharon fumed beside her. They'd filled out the paperwork stating as much.

"Oh." The woman stated bluntly. "I apologize." She scratched out whatever she had previously recorded.

Sharon and Alaska were going to be ok leaving it at that, but the woman opened her mouth to speak again.

"I'm going to need to ask you some more questions then." She began. "Can you tell me how long you've been together?

"It's in our file." Sharon said with disbelief. She was going to continue but Alaska stopped her.

"Three years." She answered the woman, shooting Sharon a pointed look that said 'be nice'.

"And what is the nature of your relationship?" The woman scribbled on her clipboard.

"The nature of our relationship? We have been dating for three years, and we were friends long before that." Sharon was getting riled up. "Everything is in our file, how long we've been together, the stability of our relationship... It's all been cleared already."

"And you have been," the woman coughed. "Sexually intimate in the time you've been together?"

Sharon looked ready to snap.

"I feel like that's a personal question." Alaska said firmly, frowning.

"I'm just concerned about the influence this relationship might have on the child." The woman tried to explain herself.

"The influence this relationship will have on the child will be the love, and kindness, and support that we share with each other. Our living situation has been assessed and cleared, as have our finances. Unfortunately for you blatant homophobia isn't a legal reason to deny us when we have been cleared by your office on all fronts, and yes, that includes our relationship." Alaska explained to her, ready to defend their right to be not only foster parents, but to raise children at all.

"I wasn't trying to overstep." The woman defended herself, but it was obvious they'd knocked her down a notch.

"Of course not." Sharon said coldly, staying calm. She was proud of Alaska for speaking up. She was usually so collected that it was rare to see her snap back.

"I'll need to you sign here." The worker slid a sheet of paper towards them, which they signed quickly, and she stood up to leave. "I'll be in touch."

\--------

It was another week before they got the file on the child they would be taking in. The amount of time they would need to care for the kid was undetermined, but it was expected to be at least a year.

The forms described him as Jason Dardo; he was 15 years of age and had been in the system for 6 years. His father had been out the picture for 12 years and his mother was an addict who'd been sent to prison. From there, he'd passed through several homes but had been removed from each one either because he was unfit for the family or because they'd mistreated him. He was in need of a stable family without other children who could support him while he finished high school.

"A teenager Sharon? What do we know about teenagers?" Alaska immediately felt the anxiety rise in her chest as she read about the boy's age.

"We knew this was a possibility, that we might get a child of any age." Sharon reminded her girlfriend from her spot on the couch next to her.

"Of course I knew that, I just thought-

"You just thought what?" Sharon challenged.

"I'm scared Sharon." Alaska admitted. "I don't want to mess this up." It was unspoken that she didn't want to mess the kid up like their own parents had done to them. A teenager brought years of ingrained trauma and angst that they might not be able to fix. It wasn't like she'd love or support him any less than an infant; she was just fucking terrified.

"Me too, baby. But I know we can do this." Sharon wrapped an arm around Alaska's bony shoulders, squeezing her into her side.

"Our teens were our hardest years." Alaska said quietly. She wasn't trying to be difficult. She could just remember the isolation, the acting out, the mental illness that had hit them both like a truck in their youth. And it had been partially because of their own fucking parents.

"And what better reason to give someone in a similar situation to ours a loving family?" Sharon asked. "We're not like our parents, Alaska. We're not. We're going to love this kid."

Their parents had loved them too. Hell, that's why half the shit that went down had happened.

Alaska decided to keep her mouth shut about that and just cuddled closer into Sharon's side.

\------

"Ladies, this is Jason." Jason’s social worker entered the office followed closely by the skinny teen. He had shoulder length black hair, piercing eyes, and a large pout.

"You know I hate being called that." The teenager protested, obviously not shy in speaking up.

"Sorry, this is Violet." The social worker corrected herself.

  
Sharon and Alaska stood up from their seats at the desk to properly greet their new foster child.

"Hi Violet, my name's Alaska." Alaska drawled, smiling sweetly. She held out a manicured hand for the teen to shake.

"And I'm Sharon."

"Ja- Violet, these are your new foster parents."

\-------

Violet was quiet the majority of the ride home, but both Sharon and Alaska did their best to engage the teen in conversation.

"I hope you're going to enjoy your time with us, Violet." Sharon began, glancing in the rear view mirror from her spot in the passenger’s seat.

"We're really excited to have you staying with us." Alaska added, smiling, and it was genuine. "We've got a room set up for you, but you can decorate it however you'd like."

"Yeah, once you've settled in, we'd be happy to take you shopping so that you can make your room feel a bit more like home. You can get some posters, pillows, Christmas lights, whatever the kids like these days." Sharon chuckled.

  
"But if it's Halloween decorations that you want, we probably don't even have to go to the store. Sharon's got enough of those just hanging around."

"Hush now, dear, don't scare Violet before we're even home." Sharon turned around in her spot to look at Violet. "I love all things spooky, but I'm really nice." The teen relaxed a bit after that, becoming comfortable in the playful banter, but still remained quiet.

""I know we already did introductions Violet, but I wanted to ask what pronouns you'd like us to use." Sharon asked casually after a moment. "Both me and Alaska go by she/her."

"Oh." Violet was a bit surprised but masked it with nonchalance. "I don't really mind whatever, but I guess she/her/hers is the best."

"Sounds good." Alaska said, giving Violet another big smile.

This was a big deal. Violet had never been with parents who'd bothered to ask for pronouns, let alone use her preferred name without a question. She didn't want to get her hopes up yet though, she’d been with too many shitty families to expect this to be perfect. Sharon and Alaska seemed cool, and they were obviously open minded, but she knew to take it slow.

  
They arrived at the apartment about 15 minutes later and it was in a neighbourhood Violet had never visited before. Sharon carried her one small suitcase up the stairs to the 2nd floor and Alaska fumbled to find her keys once they were outside the door. Violet could see she wasn’t the only one who was nervous, both her new foster parents were a bit shaky and seemed anxious. She hoped that was a good sign.

“Here we are.” Alaska spoke as she managed to get the lock open. Sharon stepped inside to put Violet’s bag down and she flicked on the lights. The apartment was small but modern, with a full kitchen and living room that Violet could observe from the doorway.

  
“You can come in.” Alaska’s voice interrupted her thoughts, and once again Violet was greeted with a warm smile from the blonde woman. She stepped inside, and Sharon took her coat to hang it in the closet by the front entrance. Alaska took her on a tour of the small, but comfortable, space. There was the kitchen, the living room with a flat screen tv and a sofa, two bathrooms, and two bedrooms.

“This is your room.” Alaska said as she pushed open the door on the left of the hallway and led Violet inside. The walls of the room were a soft blue, and the floor was made out of dark wood. The decor was plain, but there was a desk, many lamps, and a twin bed with sensibly patterned sheets. There was also a walk-in closet.

“Do you like it?” Violet was startled by Sharon’s voice sneaking up from behind her.

“I do.” She answered honestly. “It's beautiful.”

She didn't want to jump the gun, because she knew this was still so new, but Violet felt like this might just work


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Violet begins to adjust to her new home

  
Alaska and Sharon took Violet to the mall the next morning after breakfast. The girl had arrived with only one suitcase since she didn't have many belongings. There were a couple outfits to work with, other than the ones she'd outgrown, but very few childhood items. They supposed that's what happened when you move around so much.

They took her to Bed, Bath, and Beyond first, to pick out some things to make her room much more individual. She picked out some pink fairy lights, a cork board, some organizing boxes, and a couple pillows to make her bed less plain. As for the walls, the teen didn't seem to care for movie posters or anything like that. Instead, she asked if they could go find some fashion magazines. Alaska made sure to pick up some scissors and sticky tack so Violet would be able to cut out any page she wanted to decorate the walls.

“Can I get this one as well? It has an amazing spring collection that I've been wanting to see.” The teen asked as she grabbed an edition of Vogue off the shelf at the bookstore.

Sharon nodded and Alaska smiled in reply.

Violet wasn't unlike Alaska’s young self, who had been obsessed with models, beauty, and fashion. It was nice to see her becoming passionate about something when she'd been rather quiet since her arrival. Alaska would be sure to get her some magazine subscriptions to be delivered to the apartment.

After picking up the magazines, they started in the direction of clothing stores. Sharon and Alaska were in no way rich, but they were financially stable and willing to buy Violet anything she could need or want. However, the girl seemed to shy away from the designer stores. They ended up wandering to Target, where she found her way to the boy’s clothing section.

“You can pick out anything you'd like.” Sharon assured Violet after a moment of the teen staring nervously at the racks and racks of clothing. She nodded, but seemed unsure.

Eventually she grabbed two black t-shirts, a grey hoodie, a pair of dark jeans, and some sneakers. The items were tossed into the bright red cart that Alaska was guarding. Sharon raised her eyebrows at her partner, nonverbally communicating her surprise. These choices were fine, obviously, but they seemed plain for the teenager who'd just a half hour ago, been admiring fashion magazines with fervour.

“Are you sure these are all you want?” Alaska asked Violet once the girl had paused, obviously finished. “Really, you can pick anything.”

Violet bit her lip and nodded. Sharon and Alaska exchanged a look, but figured they shouldn't push it.

\------

Violet was called out from her bedroom by Sharon, who knocked and told her that dinner was ready. She put down the magazine she'd been reading, and made her way to the kitchen.

“Come on and sit down, Violet. You can serve yourself.” Alaska gestured to the empty chair across from her.

Violet tentatively took a seat, obviously a little uncomfortable still.

“Me and Alaska are both vegetarian.” Sharon told the girl. “But I've not had a chance ask you about it, so I've prepared something that's not vegetarian as well. In the future, you can let me know what you like.”

The dining area table was covered with a mixed greens salad, and huge pot of spaghetti. Sure enough, there were two pots of sauce for the girl to choose from. There was more food than necessary, but Alaska and Sharon had wanted to make sure there'd be enough.

Violet wasn't used to all these choices. Most of the time she was forced to go along with whatever the rest of the family did, which made sense as she was never in a permanent situation. However, it made her feel cared for.

“I haven't ever been vegetarian, but maybe in the future I'd like to try it.” She said as she grabbed some spaghetti, looking to Alaska to see how much she should take. The woman just smiled at her as if to reply that she could have as much as she wanted.

The food was not in any way gourmet, and Sharon and Alaska both expressed that they were really not very good at cooking. However, it tasted great to Violet. Sure, it was almost bland, and they'd burnt the bread meant to go with the meal, but it was better than anything Violet had eaten in a long time. She could see how hard the two women were trying to make this good for her.

“So, Violet.” Sharon began, swallowing a bite of spaghetti. “I'm working tomorrow, but Alaska is going to drive you in for school in the morning.”

Violet froze in her seat.

“It's not going to be a full day.” Alaska assured her. “The guidance counsellor wants to take you around the school and introduce you to some of your teachers. Then you'll be able to pick your classes and such.”

Violet had known she'd have to go to school, obviously, but hearing the words she couldn't help but dread it. She was smart and did well in her classes, but meeting all the students was never her strong suit.

“Hey.” Violet’s thoughts were interrupted by Sharon’s voice. The woman shared a look with her partner before speaking. “I know it's a lot of pressure, but it's gonna be ok.”

Violet took another bite off her meal, but she couldn't shake the nervousness pooling in her stomach.

\---------

Everyone was staring at her.

It had only been 20 minutes since Alaska had left after properly registering her for grade 10, and Violet was alone with the guidance counsellor who'd begun their tour of the school.

It was just like she knew it would be. Even without any introductions, every student she passed followed her with their eyes, silently judging her. Violet could feel her anxiety building as she was led through the hallways, to the library, the theatre, and the gymnasium.

Snap out of it, she told herself. If they were going to judge her, she was going to have to stop acting like she wanted to disappear into the walls and never return. She lifted her chin up, pushed her shoulders back, and finally, pursed her lips into a pout. She was impenetrable, confident, and she exuded ‘don't fuck with me’ energy. At least, that was her goal.

Violet wasn't really listening to what the guidance counsellor was saying, but she made sure to remember, for the most part, the layout of the school so she wouldn't have to be confused or lost on her first day of classes.

Finally, the tour came to an end and despite being at school for a mere three hours, Violet couldn't wait to get out of that place.

\---------

“Good morning.” Alaska greeted Violet as the teen entered the kitchen. She was sitting on a stool at the island in the kitchen, nursing a cup of coffee between her hands.

“Morning.” Violet mumbled, yawning slightly through the word. She looked around the apartment, searching for signs of her other foster parent. “Where's Sharon?” She asked Alaska.

“She’s at work, she left pretty early this morning.” The woman gestured to the stool across from her, implying that Violet could sit down.

“Where does she work?” She asked, joining Alaska at the counter. “I feel like I should already know that by now, but I guess I've never asked.”

“Well, in the day she's an editor for an online journal. In the evening she has a gig performing downtown.”

“That's really cool.”

Violet grabbed herself some cereal from the box Alaska had set out on the counter, not bothering with milk.

“So, I've got some errands to run this morning, and I'll want to get to my studio tonight, but is there anything you want to do today?”

It was Alaska’s first full day alone with Violet, and though rationally she knew that nothing could go wrong, she couldn't stop herself from being a bit nervous. She wanted them to do something fun together. Violet had mostly been cooped up in the apartment, and Alaska was sure there were many things she'd never had a chance to do around the city.

“Um… I don't know.”

“We could go on a walk, do some sightseeing, or even the zoo?” The zoo? What was she thinking? Violet was a teenager not a toddler. Alaska berated herself for even suggesting it.

“Are there any museums?” Violet asked, not scoffing at the silly suggestion. “Like, art ones?”

  
They decided to visit the Andy Warhol museum after Alaska finished her errands. Violet tagged along while her foster mother went to drop off some mail at the post office, and bought some groceries. It was exciting for her to be included in even the mundane routine. Clearly, Alaska was used to doing it alone, but Violet thought it must have been a little easier with extra hands to carry grocery bags from the store to the car.

The museum was in a large building on the north shore, and it was just amazing. Every wall, right from the entryway was completely covered in paintings. Violet and Alaska opted out of the audio tour; Alaska just explained everything instead. Violet was enthralled with all of it. There was something so interesting about Warhol’s pop art style. Most art that Violet had seen, and there hadn't been much, was almost boring. She didn't care much for paintings of flowers or shapes on office walls, nor did she love bland portraits of royalty she'd seen in history textbooks at school. This stuff had content that was accessible to her: Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, the Campbell’s Soup can. She even liked the more abstract pieces and the performance art.

Alaska did a great job explaining it all. She seemed so much less serious and controlled here, giving fun facts about Andy Warhol’s life as they walked around. Violet found herself wishing there had been more paintings than the whopping 900 within the museum just so they could have stayed longer.

\---------

Things began to get more comfortable. As one week wore by, the anxiety and tension around the family began to melt away. Alaska stopped looking like she was afraid she'd break the teenager by saying one wrong word, and they all fell into a routine of work, school, and family time.

Sharon worked a lot, that was the problem with having two jobs, but she tried to spend time with Violet whenever she could.

She was kind of amazing. There was no other word for it, really. Violet was beautiful and confident and strong. Sure she was shy, but she knew how to handle herself. She'd obviously had to be independent for most of her life, a fact that showed in how she never asked them for anything, instead taking the initiative to get whatever she needed herself. Sharon had needed to remind her to stop using her own-and she had very little-pocket money to buy necessities like soap, shampoo and conditioner.

“You are allowed to use anything we have in the house, but if you need anything else, just let me or Alaska know and we’ll buy it for you. Or we’ll give you money.” Sharon had told her one afternoon when she'd seen Violet coming back from the convenience store on her way back from work. “Your money is to keep and save, ours is to take care of you.”

Violet had seemed to understand after that.

She was also incredibly mature for her age. Neither Sharon or Alaska had to skirt around issues with her. She was intelligent and could understand things many teenagers wouldn't. Sharon didn't know if that was a result of her childhood or if it was just her personality.

The problems they knew had been a possibility with foster care never seemed to occur. Violet wasn't hard to handle; she never acted out, and seemed to adjust rather smoothly and without resentment toward her new family.

As far as she was concerned, it was almost too good to be true.

\------

“Do you ever think she's too quiet?”

“Violet?”

“I'm worried about her, Sharon.” Alaska admitted.

“Don't be.” Sharon told her, brushing her fingers through her girlfriend’s hair from her spot next to her on the sofa. “It's normal for her to be shy.”

“She's sweet, and she never causes trouble here but she also never talks to us.”

“It's gonna take some time.”

Though Sharon agreed that Violet was extremely quiet, her walls had started to come down gradually. Sharon had come home to her and Alaska sitting on the couch watching tv one night, and the teen had been yelling at the screen, very invested in project runway. She didn't get super excited very often, but when she was passionate about something, she could be loud. If Sharon was honest, it was kind of adorable to watch her frustration at one of the contestants choosing a combination of orange and lime green for their ensemble.

“Do you think she's doing ok at school?”

“Her teachers emailed me this week, they said her attendance has been good, as well as her grades. She seems not to have had anything trouble catching up from what she missed.”

“I don't just mean the academic stuff though.” Alaska shifted in her seat turning to face Sharon more directly. “She hasn't asked to bring home any friends, and she never goes out with them.”

“I don't think it's easy for her.” Sharon began. “She's had to move schools so many times, and she isn't the warmest kid ever. But she's a great person, and I'm sure the other kids can see that. It's just gonna take time, and we can't push her.”

“You’re right.” Alaska agreed shaking her hair as if realizing she was wrong. “I'm being silly, I know. And she's been warming up to us, it's true. I just don't want her to feel like she can't talk to us, that she can't be open up if something’s wrong.”

“Baby, you need to stop doing this.” Sharon told her. Her tone was warning but gentle.

“What? Caring?” Alaska asked bluntly.

“No. You need to stop worrying that if something goes wrong, it's gonna be your fault.” Sharon had hoped that once they'd brought Violet home, Alaska would stop having these doubts. Luckily, she hadn't been too overbearing on the teen, but Sharon could see that she still worried so much about fucking it all up.

“But won't it be, though?” Alaska blurted.

“No.” Sharon said honestly. “You have to stop trying to control it all, because you can't. Bad shit might happen to Violet, and we might both make mistakes and we won't be able to control it.” She grabbed Alaska’s hands. “You are a good parent and Violet isn't going to hate you.”

Alaska looked into her eyes and Sharon could see she wasn't going to fight anymore.

“You know me too well.” The blonde said with a smile. “It's scary sometimes.”

“I love scary.” Sharon joked.

“I love you.” Alaska countered, moving in close enough that Sharon could feel the warmth of her breath against her skin. Their lips met in a gentle kiss and the tension in Alaska’s body slowly seeped away.

“I love you too, baby.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sharon gets a call from the school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Accidentally hit post lol so you get it early. For any AQ readers it will be in the queue tonight.

 

Sharon was in the middle of her lunch break when cell phone rang. She fumbled around in her purse to find it, frowning at the number on the call display. She didn't recognize it.

“Hello?” She asked.

"Is this Miss Needles?"

"Yes?"

"This is Principal Michaels, I'm calling to request your attendance at my office to discuss some issues with… Violet.”

"Could I possibly be enlightened as to what this meeting entails?"

"Violet has been causing trouble and was nearly suspended for fighting with a student. We require you or your husband to come in for a meeting to discuss our plan of action, with Violet present."

Sharon honestly didn't know what to think. She wasn't surprised Violet struggled at school with the other students, and though she was very well behaved at home, she was a bit cold and very strong-willed. It wasn't unfathomable that her presence could make her peers uncomfortable. Sharon wouldn't want to judge too quickly, however, she'd have to wait to assess the situation.

"When would you like to have this meeting?"

"Would this afternoon be suitable? I'd like to address this as quickly as possible."

"I am afraid I work today but I will happily send in my partner, as she is free. just give me the time and place and I’ll pass it on to her.”

\----

Alaska entered the principal's office and Violet was sitting in a chair in front of his desk. The skinny teen looked so tiny in the huge, expensive office chair. She didn't look to her foster parent as she entered the room but Alaska took the spot next to her, shaking Principal Micheals' hand and introducing herself.

"Lovely to meet you, Principal. I was wondering if I might get a moment alone to speak with Violet before we begin?"

"I'm afraid I'd prefer if you stayed in my presence to talk." Principal Michaels told her.

"Alright." This was far from ideal, but Alaska turned to Violet, ignoring the Principal's watchful eyes. "Are you alright? Do you want to tell me what happened?"

The reality was, Alaska wanted to make sure that whatever had occurred at the school wasn't going to be enough for Violet to be taken from them. It's not like she'd feel good about lying to the girl’s social worker on her report, but she wanted to assess the situation first.

"It wasn't my fault." Violet said firmly. "But I'm fine."

"Violet punched a boy in the face, Miss?"  
the principal interrupted.

"You can call me Alaska, sir."

"Right, Alaska. Violet assaulted a fellow student, which is normally grounds for a suspension. But he, I mean she just got here and I think we can try to sort this out without it going on her record."

"Are this boy or his parents going to be a problem?"

"I have spoken to all three of them. It's been sorted. Detention has been a compromise."

"I understand." Alaska answered professionally despite being completely out of her depth. She wished Sharon was here, she was much better at dealing with this kind of thing. "Violet, can you tell me what happened?" She repeated without malice.

Violet's eyes bounced back and forth between the principal and her foster mother. "Matthew was teasing me in the hallway." She started. "Which was fine because I can handle myself. I know I'm weird, and a bitch and nobody likes me." the principal raised his eyebrows at the curse word. Violet continued. "But then he got started on Fame, and she's my friend. He grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her into the lockers so I decked him. I don't regret it either."

  
Violet leaned back in the chair after finishing speaking, crossing her arms over her chest. She looked over at Principal Micheals, who kept a firm frown on his face. He'd obviously discussed the encounter previously with her, and was still un-sympathetic.

‘Is this boy receiving detention too?” Alaska asked. “Because pushing someone into a set of lockers seems like harassment, if not assault.” She pointed out.

“It's been sorted.” He tried to brush it off, beginning to fiddle with the papers in his desk.

“He's not.” Violet muttered under her breath, brow furrowed.

“I see.” Alaska said, her mouth a thin line. “Maybe it's not my place to say, sir, but I do hope that this school does its best to treat all of its students fairly and with respect.”

“Of course.” Principal Michaels began to adjust his tie, his adam’s apple bobbing nervously.

“I will speak with Violet about this at home, and she will be present for detention, does that sound reasonable?” She spoke sweetly, but with a little venom at the end of her sentence. It was laughable to think she would be further punishing Violet for this. If Violet was expected in detention, surely Matthew should be too. Alaska knew when to pick her battles, though.

“Perfectly.”

“Alright, shall we get going then Violet?”

The teen didn't answer but stood up from her chair quickly, throwing her coat over her arm. Alaska gently ushered her out the door first, throwing her hair over her shoulder to give one last glance to Principal Michaels, who was looking away intently.

Ok, so that's how he liked to play.

\--------

  
“Are you ok?” Alaska asked once they got home. Violet was a bit taken aback.

“Yeah… I'm fine.”

“I'm sorry about all that.”

“You shouldn't be, I'm used to it.”

“It isn't fair that you were treated that way.”

“Yeah, well I punched their favourite football player with a rich daddy, so what can you expect?”

Alaska laughed. “You probably shouldn't have punched him.” She said softly.

“I know.” Violet admitted. “I was just so angry.”

“I get that, but it has to stay under control.”

"He just said such horrible things to her Alaska."

  
“I’m not saying he didn't deserve it.” Alaska said. “Just, please be careful. I don't want anything to happen to you.”

Suddenly, there was a clicking sound at the door, and Sharon slipped inside the apartment, still dressed in business attire. “Honey, I'm home!” She yelled somewhat jokingly. “Oh there you are.” She noticed Violet and Alaska in the Kitchen. She came up to give Alaska a quick peck on the lips, placing her bag down on the counter. “How did it go today at the school?”

“It was ok.” Violet said gently, looking up at Alaska, who nodded.

“I hear you've become the real punk, punching jocks and causing trouble.” Sharon joked. “Sounds like me at your age.”

“Don't encourage her, Shar.” Alaska said light-heartedly.

“So, you wanna tell me what happened, give me the ‘deets’ as the kids say these days?”

“Nobody says that.” Violet told her, cringing.

“Oh come on, I'm trying to be relatable.”

“Please, never say those words to me again.”

Sharon just laughed, and Violet couldn't help but smile at that. She began to explain what had happened at the school.

“There was just this guy at school, who was picking on me, like usual. But I was walking with my friend Fame, and we were holding hands because she's super affectionate and clingy or whatever. And Matthew, that’s the jock, started calling her a dyke.” Violet explained how he'd made fun of Fame for hanging out with Violet, and how he'd decided that maybe dyke wasn't the right term for her because Violet wasn't a girl. “He said that she must be confused if she liked someone ‘like me’ and that he was sure he could turn her straight.” That’s when Violet had really started to get uncomfortable. Though it hurt to have people misgender her and call her names, Fame didn't deserve that. “He pushed her into the lockers, like I said, and there was no one else around to call for help. He leaned in like he might kiss her, or spit in her face and I couldn't think what to do so I punched him.”

“Oh dear.” Sharon said.

“It might not have been smart but it was effective.”

“You told the principal all of this?” Sharon’s voice began to rise, and Violet could see she was getting angry.

“More or less.”

“What he did is frankly unacceptable, he should be suspended!”

“Yeah, well he's not even getting detention.” Violet spoke bitterly.

“Bullshit.” Sharon scoffed, and Alaska shot her a disapproving look.

“I'm over it, honestly. Making him stay after school isn't gonna make him stop.”

“Do they bother you a lot?” Alaska asked. “The other kids.”

“I can handle myself.”

“We know that. You've shown that a hundred times already.” Sharon said.

“They don't like me, and I'm ok with that. I don't like them either. I'm not gonna let them thinking I'm a bitch stop me from being who I am.”

“Cheers to that!” Sharon agreed.

“Sharon….” Alaska said warningly.

“No, listen to me Violet. You being yourself is all we want for you. It doesn't matter what those people think. The friends you make will like you for you.” Sharon paused. “Surely you agree, Alaska?”

“No, you're right.” Alaska admitted. “Cheesy as it is to say, we like you for you too.”

“And if you have to punch that kid in the face again, make sure to get the other side too. We can't have uneven bruising.”

They all laughed.

\---------

After dinner, Violet went to her bedroom. She checked her phone, and saw that she had many missed text messages from Fame.

2:45 pm  
**Hey, are you ok?**

3:00 pm  
**I hope you told Principal Michaels that it wasn't your fault.**

6:50 pm  
**Vi, are you home yet? Did everything go ok?**

7:14 pm  
**I'm sorry for being annoying pls text me when you can, I want to know you're ok.**

It was weird for Violet to have someone so worried about her. In all of her previous high schools, she barely had a chance to make friends before she'd been moved again. But Fame had clung onto her the moment they'd met.

  
_“Class, this is Violet.” Violet was extremely uncomfortable standing up in front of them all. As soon as she was introduced, she could see the other students whispering about her. She knew what they were saying without being able to discern their words. It probably had to do with her feminine name and masculine features, but she was used to it._

_She finally sat down at an empty desk at the back of the classroom between a girl with platinum blonde hair and one with dark hair._

_“Is Violet your real name?” The black-haired girl asked, looking Violet up and down scrutinizingly and popping her gum. Violet was about to say something bitchy back when she was interrupted._

_“Don't listen to Gia, Violet.” The other girl pulled Violet’s attention away from Gia. “I'm Fame.” She introduced herself. “People always question my name too.” She added, brushing her shoulder length hair with her fingers._

_Violet gave the girl a very small smile._

_“I love your hair, girl. Can I call you girl?” Fame said quickly._

_“Oh thanks.” Violet answered. “And yeah, you can call me girl.”_

_“It's so pretty and classic.” Fame continued. “And your name, Violet, it suits you so perfectly.”_

_Violet couldn't help but blush a little. Most people didn't call her pretty. Stupid, bitchy, and ugly, on the other hand, were much more common._

_“Where are you from, honey?” The blonde asked sweetly._

_“I'm kind of from all over, I guess. I've moved around a lot.” She explained vaguely._

_“Well, I hope you're gonna be around for awhile.”_

_“Haha, Yeah me too.”_

_“I'm serious.” Fame said sincerely. “I just get this energy off you that is so unique and I feel like it just clicked with me immediately, you know?”_

_Violet had kind of wanted to balk at the cheesy language, but somehow it was incredible sweet and flattering. She didn't know how this girl could like someone she'd just met so fast, but Violet thought she might just like her too._

  
Violet came out of her memories, and she sent a message back to her friend.

7:45pm  
**I'm ok. I've got detention but nothing worse. Violet typed. Only seconds later she got a response**.

**Oh that's not so bad. Glad you're ok <3**

**Thanks for checking in on me. Are u ok?** She hadn't seen the girl since she'd been called into the office that afternoon.

 **Yeah totally. I was a little shaken but I was worried about you.** Fame answered.

Of course she'd been worried, that was Fame after all. Her friend started typing again.

**Do you wanna hang with me, Trix and Katya tmrw?**

Violet bit her lip, not sure how to answer.

 **Please?** Fame begged.

Maybe it was silly, but Violet didn't know if she could cross that line. She talked to Fame a lot, and texted her even more but she never saw any of her friends or acquaintances outside of school. There was something in her that was afraid of getting attached, knowing that she could be moved at any second. Frankly, she wasn't used to anyone wanting to see her more than the forced hours of school.

 **Ok,** she finally texted.

Maybe it was time to stop feeling like a floater. Sharon and Alaska didn't seem like they were going to drop her anytime soon, which didn't necessarily mean much, from past experience, but maybe Violet needed to learn to enjoy her time with her friends no matter how little there might be. After all, there was no knowing if she'd be able to find people who liked her ever again.

 **!!!!!!!!!** Was Fame’s answer. That said enough.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Violet makes some new friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still open to pairing suggestions for Violet. Also, I'm sorry I forgot to post this here right away. I usually post on AQ first so you can often find me there.

Violet knocked on the door of the house, too intimidated to use the doorbell. Fame lived in an extremely nice neighbourhood; her house--or mansion rather--had an iron gate around the perfectly groomed garden. The windows had an ornate trim made of dark wood, and they were polished to perfection.

“Violet!” Fame exclaimed as she opened the door, rushing to wrap the smaller girl in a tight hug. “Come on in, Trix and Kat are upstairs.

The inside of the building was no less impressive. It was an interior designer’s wet dream. The decor was modern but somehow still matched the decorative outside of the house.

“You live here?” Violet couldn't stop herself from blurting out, even though it was a stupid question. She'd just never been anywhere this fancy. She couldn't help but feel out of place in her dark jeans and hoodie.

“Yeah, my family moved here a few years ago. We used to live on a chicken farm.”

Violet was so in awe that she almost missed what her friend had said. “A chicken farm?” That was hard to imagine. Fame was perfectly polished, without a hair out of place. She couldn't even fathom her wearing something other than heels.

“Yeah, but my dad got a job in the city so we had to leave my friendly chickens behind.” She almost looked a bit sad about that. “Come upstairs with me.” Her mood switched back to bright, and she grabbed Violet’s hand and led her upstairs.

They got to Fame’s bedroom, which much like Violet’s, had walls filled with Fashion magazine cut-outs. However, there were also elaborate posters, pieces of art, and fancy decorative pieces all around the room. By the window sill, Violet could even see a collection of colourful crystals.

“Hey Violet.” Trixie Mattel’s voice met Violet’s ears. She was lying on her stomach, texting frantically. At first, Violet hadn't known what to make of the ‘Barbie girl’. She was always drenched in bubblegum pink and wore more makeup than was really acceptable for school. But then again, Violet had never really cared about what was acceptable. Soon enough, Trixie had broken down her cold exterior. If anything, she was a great person to ask for help with school work. She was pretty smart and never judged.

“Hi Trixie.” Violet answered. “Katya.” She addressed the other girl, who was sitting on the floor with her legs wide in a straddle.

“This is the most comfortable way to sit.” She told Violet, who knew better than to question the strange girl.

“Vi, how are you?” Fame sing-songed melodramatically. That was just her normal voice, Violet had learned.

“I'm fine.”

“Matthew’s a dick.” Katya said. Trixie’s eyebrows shot up at the language. “What? He is.”

“Agreed.” Violet said bluntly.

“I don't know guys,” Trixie began. “We used to be friends when we were kids and he wasn't so bad.”

“Tracy, people change.” Katya told her, but not in an antagonizing voice. “Didn't he tell you last week that no boys would like you because of your makeup?”

“Yeah…” Trixie admitted sadly. He hadn't been the only one, but he'd done it to her face even after they used to be friends.

“Then he's a dick.” Katya repeated, squeezing her friend’s shoulder.

“As if we care what boys like.” Violet added. She barely noticed the glance that Katya threw towards Trixie at her words. Maybe she was imagining it?

“Well I'm glad we’re all ok now.” Fame tried to brush away the negativity. She began to fix her hair in the mirror on her wall--not that she needed it, she already looked perfect.

“Hey guys, is it ok if Max comes over?” Trixie suddenly said from her spot on Fame’s bed.

“Totally.” Fame agreed. “You know she's always welcome.”

“Who's Max?” Violet asked. She figured by now she knew most people at school, and Max was a pretty unique name for a girl.

“Max is my cousin, she's homeschooled. Her dad’s being weird and she wants to get out of the house.”

“Bring her over, Barbara.” Katya said in a silly voice.

“Violet?” Trixie asked.

“Fine with me.” Violet tried not to sound nervous. She was trying really hard not to care what people thought, but meeting new people still brought on the possibility of awkwardness.

The three girls began to gossip about people at school, and Violet did her best to join in. She really enjoyed being around these guys, but sometimes she felt like she couldn't keep up. They had years of inside jokes that flew right over her head.

  
About a half-hour later, there was a ring of the doorbell and Fame ran down to get their guest. When she got back up, she was followed by a tall, thin girl with silver hair and amazing cheekbones. Violet figured this must be Max.

“Max, Violet. Violet, Max.” Trixie said a bit nonchalantly, waving her hand to gesture between them.

“Nice to meet you.” Max said, and Violet could detect a slight accent. Southern? Or was it British? She didn't know. She gave a small smile in reply.

“Ooh, girl where'd you get this?” Fame asked the girl, gently fingering the fabric of the black, robe-like garment she was wearing over her dress. Did all of Fame’s friends have impeccable fashion taste? Violet then looked at Katya in her crocheted dress, and smiled. Not all of them, she supposed.

“I found it in my mother’s closet, isn't it divine?”

“No way!” Fame squealed. “Can I try?”

Max nodded, shrugging the piece off her shoulders and handing it to Fame. The girl swung it onto her own body and gave a twirl.

“Beyond this planet beautiful!” She exclaimed, and the other girls laughed. “Vi, do you wanna try it?” She asked.

Violet looked at Max, unsure.

“You’re welcome to.” Max said in a fluttery voice, and it didn't seem like she was lying.

“I-I think I'd better not.” Violet finally said. “I wouldn't want to wreck it.”

“As if, it's a hundred years old already.” Max scoffed good-naturedly. “Part of its charm, I suppose.”

Violet just shrugged, and Max didn't make a fuss of it, taking the robe back from Fame and putting it on again.

Though she was mad at herself for it, there was something in her that wasn't her comfortable drawing attention to her feminine preferences. She imagined herself wearing gorgeous gowns like the ones she saw in the magazines but knew not only that she couldn't afford them, but people would never accept it. It was silly maybe to think that her new friends would judge, seeing as they'd been so encouraging so far, but she was a little afraid to try it.

“So Violet, you just moved here?” Max asked.

“Yeah.” She admitted. Violet could see Fame shooting Max a warning look. Violet really didn't talk about herself or her living situation very much, and Fame never pushed her to do so.

“I wish I could move.” Trixie piped in. “I've just been stuck in the same house, with the same boring parents my whole life.”

That honestly didn't sound too bad to Violet. A sense of consistency would be nice, even if it was dull.

“How’s homeschooling?” She asked Max, diverting the conversation away from herself.

“Its… well, it's certainly something.” Max said vaguely.

“Still better than public high school.” Trixie pointed out.

“Maybe it is.” Max said gently. “No more bullies, this way.” She spoke as if it wasn't a big deal, but Violet understood now. School from home was a good way to escape shitty teenagers. She knew a little bit about escaping.

“Amen to that.” Fame agreed, looking at Violet.

“Did your parents make you move here?” Max brought the conversation back.

“Not really.” Violet decided she might as well get it out of the way. “I'm living with some foster parents right now.”

“Interesting.” Max said, but she didn't sound fazed.

Violet fell silent, not wanting to continue on the topic. It's not like she was ashamed of her past, or of Sharon and Alaska, but it was a lot to take in and she wasn't sure she was ready to divulge to a girl she'd just met. The other girls shifted around, obviously a bit uncomfortable. However, Fame soon broke the silence to show her friends some new music. As everyone began to loosen up, Violet found herself becoming much more comfortable around Max. The girl was a bit restrained it seemed, but that didn't mean she was cold. Fame began to sing along with the music, exclaiming that she was a great singer. Even minutes in, she had yet to prove it, if Violet was being honest. Her and Max began to joke around, gently poking fun at Fame, who acted fake-offended. Without noticing, hours went by and the sun began to set. She just enjoyed the company of her new friends.

Violet could get used to this.

\--------

On Monday afternoon, Violet obediently found herself heading to detention. In the past, she would have completely blown off such an obligation in favour of listening to music at home, alone, but she really didn't want to mess it up this time. Not only did she want to avoid disappointing Sharon and Alaska, but she didn't want to be moved away from her new friends.

That didn't mean she wouldn't take her damn sweet time to get there. She very slowly made her way down the hallway from the theatre, hyping herself up to spend two hours with Miss Del Rio, who'd probably just make snarky comments the whole time.

Though the school was almost empty by now, Violet felt a hand on her shoulder. She quickly turned around, ready to fight anyone if she needed, and was greeted with the stupid handsome face of Matthew Lent. He didn't even have any bruises from where she'd hit him, which made her a little disappointed.

“Hey, Violet.” He called out, a little out of breath from catching up with her.

“What?” She said coldly. She just wanted to get away from him and forget the whole thing had happened.

“I want to apologize.” He spoke, and even though his voice was low and monotonous, something that made him seem like he didn't care much, Violet was pretty sure he was being sincere.

She allowed herself to raise her eyebrows skeptically but didn't betray her emotions otherwise. “Go on then.” She said after he remained silent.

“Oh.” Matthew said, obviously expecting that his previous sentence had been enough. “I guess um… I took it too far the other day, and I'm sorry?”

“Wow.” Violet deadpanned. “Convincing speech, Matthew.”

“It's just Matt.” He corrected.

“Yeah, and my name is Violet, even though you seem to forget all the time.”

“I'm trying to be nice to you.” Matt whined. As if that was an excuse for misnaming her on the daily.

“Yeah, well you're doing a shitty job of it so if you could get out of my way, I need to go to detention, unlike you.” Violet tried to walk around him, but he swooped back in to stop her.

“You punched me in the face.” He pointed out.

“And you've antagonized me since the second I got here. I don't really care about it anymore, to be honest. I don't care if you like me, but you do not. touch. my. friends.”

“I'm sorry, ok?”

“So you've said.”

“I mean it. I've been shitty, I know. I just don't understand this,” he gestured to her wildly, as if that was some kind of explanation. “And I was trying to be funny but obviously I wasn't.”

Violet just stared at him, waiting for him to get to the point. She didn't have time to point how not funny everything he'd done had been. “Look Matt, it's fine, you can clear your guilty conscience. I'm not mad anymore, just stay away from me and Fame and let me go to detention. I don't want to be late.”

She began to walk away, but he caught up to her again. Violet rolled her eyes as he opened his mouth to talk. For someone who usually acted laid back, he sure loved to blab on around her.

“I'll come too.” He said. Violet furrowed her brow in confusion. “I should do time for teasing you, right?”

She didn't argue, and let him accompany her to the room. He deserved to be there as much as her, if not more.

\-------

Matt wasn't terrible, Violet found herself genuinely surprised. Miss Del Rio had tried to get them not to talk for the first ten minutes of detention, but once she realized that the chit chat was doing more good than harm, left them alone. They were the only two there, so it wasn't like they we're bothering anyone.

She got a chance to explain a little bit about herself, not that she really wanted the responsibility of telling this stupid fuckboy what being trans and genderqueer meant. He listened pretty well though, and probably only asked four or five dumb questions. Violet could see he was trying, and maybe that's what Trixie had meant when she'd said he wasn't so bad. Especially away from his jock friends, he was decent, not that it excused his earlier behaviour.

“You have foster parents?” Matt asked.

“Yup.” Violet supposed word got around, even in a big school.

“Are they cool? I'd trade my parents in if I could.”

Violet knew he didn't mean it insensitively, but it was a bit of a weird statement. She hadn't ‘traded’ her parents in. They'd abandoned her. Lots of foster kids didn't even have parents who were alive. Violet just brushed it off and said, “Yeah, they're great.” A little coldly.

“Do foster parents like, try to be your new mom and dad? Like are they always on your back and shit?” Miss Del Rio gave a little cough as Matt swore.

“Um….” Violet wanted to keep her cool. She was trying to make this work. “Not really, Sharon and Alaska are really nice but they let me be independent.”

“Wait, are your foster parents both girls?!”

He just had to bring back the homophobia, didn't he? Violet thought. And they'd been making so much progress. “Yes.”

Matt opened his mouth and Violet interrupted him. “I want you to think long and hard about what you're going to say next.”

The boy slowly closed his lips. That's what Violet had thought.

“Is Fame really upset?” He asked instead, and it wasn't what Violet was expecting.

“Oh,” she paused. “She was, and I think she's fine now, but what you did was really shitty.”

“I just, my parents never raised me to understand all this and…”

“It's ok not to understand, but it's 2016, you can't be ignorant and harass someone because you ‘didn't know’.” Violet articulated. “I know I'm different, and I'm not lesser because of it. If you have a problem with me, or Fame, or my foster parents, then that's on you, buddy.”

“You're right.” Matt agreed, and he didn't try to make excuses this time. “I'm sorry.”

They didn't talk much for the rest of detention, and soon enough, Miss Del Rio released them from the confines of the classroom. Matt headed out and Violet went outside to wait for Alaska to pick her up.

She waited 5 minutes before deciding to sit down on the front steps, then 10. Soon enough it had been 15, 20, 30 minutes and Violet started to worry. She fired off a text to her foster mother but got no answer. She was probably just running late and Violet didn't want to leave and have her show up right after. That seemed like a wild goose chase.

However, after almost an hour and a half, Violet tried to call her.

The phone rang.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alaska makes a mistake, Violet opens up about her past, Sharon is beautiful and perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I can never escape writing angst... oops lol. Please enjoy and eg me know what you think if you feel like it. 
> 
> Tw: depression mention, addiction and alcoholism mention.

Alaska was shocked into reality by her phone ringing. It was very faint at first, and she almost didn't notice it with the fuzz in her head. As the sound began to break into her thoughts, she finally realized what it was, and scrambled to reach for the device.

"Alaska?" Violet's voice was very meek through the phone.

"Yeah?"

"Um... I was just wondering, are you coming to get me from school soon?"

Alaska looked at the time on her phone. Shit. It was 6:26, almost an hour and a half since Violet’s detention had ended.

"Yes! Shit, I mean crap. I'm coming to get you right now don't worry."

"Are you sure? I can take transit, if it's easier."

"No, I don't want you to pay money for that. I'm leaving right now, I'm so sorry Violet."

"It's totally fine."

Alaska dropped the project she'd been working on, fumbling around the messy studio to find her keys. She swore she'd left them on the table. She picked up the planning sheets covering the surface only to find the paint-stained wood underneath. Not there. Alaska turned to check on top of one of her shelves, and knocked over a glass of water in the process.

"Shit!" She yelled. "Shit fucking shit." The water began to spread across the floor, making the tile slippery, but she didn't have time to clean it up.

Finally, she stumbled over to her apron that was hanging from a chair, and located her keys in the pocket. She was a sight for sore eyes, but she ran downstairs and hopped in the car as quickly as she could.

\-------

"Violet, I am so sorry, that will never happen again."

"Really it's fine, I didn't wait that long." Violet didn't tell her that she'd started to worry; it seemed counter-productive. Alaska seemed frazzled; her hair was a mess, and her clothes were ill-fitting and covered in paint. The weirdest part was her face was bare, free from the meticulous makeup she usually wore.

"No I just feel horrible though, I told you 5:00, and I just completely forgot.”

"If it's easier for you, I can just take the school bus home every day. I know you're busy."

"I can make time." Alaska gripped a little harder on the steering wheel, obviously still angry with herself. "I remember how horrible it was taking the bus when I was in high school, and I work at home so it's so easy for me to get you. I promise I'll be there from now on."

  
Violet considered trying to assure her foster mother more that it was fine, but it seemed like there was little she could say. She was stuck in her own head and words were just bouncing off her today.

Alaska was quiet the whole way home, and Violet could almost see the tension rolling off her body. When they arrived at the apartment, the woman seemed to calm down a bit. They got upstairs and Alaska paused in the kitchen.

"Are you hungry?" She asked Violet.

"A bit." The girl admitted. Detention and putting up with Matt had worn her out.

Alaska opened the fridge. "Shit." She said quietly. "I mean shoot, sorry Violet."

Violet just smiled. She could handle swearing, and it was funny to her that Alaska always tried to censor herself around her.

"I forgot to go to the grocery store." It was a very unimportant statement, but it seemed to be heavy to Alaska. She was frozen in place, staring into the contents of the fridge, but her mind seemed like it was elsewhere.

"We can just order in?" Violet suggested. She pulled the stack of take-out pamphlets off the counter and began to rifle through them. "Here, we can get Indian food delivered right to the house. I can wait to eat until dinner, I'm not that hungry."

Alaska nodded but her eyes seemed distant. She disappeared for an hour after they ordered and didn't emerge until the food arrived. Even once they'd both settled down at the table, she was quiet as they ate. Violet tried to brush off the anxiety in her chest at Alaska's weird behaviour. She was a busy woman and probably had a lot on her mind, that was all. She turned on the tv to distract them both, the sound of the news becoming white noise. Violet didn't know if she should ask if something was wrong. It wasn't a big deal, right? Sure she'd been left at the school for a little longer than she'd have liked, and sure they'd had to order takeout. It was hardly the biggest mistake a foster parent had made with Violet. Then why did it seem like Alaska was beating herself up over it?

Violet’s foster mother barely touched her food before she cleaned up her own plate.

“You can put your dishes in the sink.” She finally spoke. “I'll do them later tonight.”

Violet just nodded and Alaska retreated, either back to her studio or her bedroom. The girl didn't want to leave more work for her or Sharon, so she threw out the takeout containers and did her best to clean up the kitchen and fill up the dishwasher.

The TV droned on, but Violet wasn't paying attention to it, so she turned it off.

The only sound was the whirring sound of the Clean cycle of the dishwasher.

\---------

When Violet woke up she felt like something was off. It was Tuesday, but there wasn't the usual hustle and bustle around the house. Usually, in the morning, either Sharon or Alaska were in the kitchen, cleaning, talking, or sometimes even singing; they were both pretty good too.

However, everything was quiet this morning.

Violet got up out of bed, creeping over to her door carefully as to not disturb the silence. The lights were all off in the hallway, and natural sunlight seeped in through the windows and bouncing off the walls. Violet walked across the apartment and found Sharon and Alaska's room had the light on, and the door was ajar. From the gap, she could see Sharon sitting on the side of the bed, where Alaska was still lying down. They were talking quietly, but Sharon noticed her standing outside and looked up to meet her gaze.

"Sorry." Violet said sharply, beginning to turn away.

"It's fine, I'll be out in just a minute." Sharon told her.

Violet just made her way back to the kitchen, taking a spot at the counter. Sure enough, Sharon joined her just a few minutes later.

"Hey Violet, can I talk to you?"

"Yeah."

"So, I just wanted to talk to you about Alaska."

"Ok." Violet couldn't help but feel a little uneasy. Sharon’s tone of voice worried her a bit, but there was part of her that wanted, and needed, to know what was going on.

"It's important to me, to both of us, that we don't keep things from you."

"Ok." Violet repeated. She appreciated the honesty. So many times in the past she'd been completely isolated from her foster families, treated more like the family pet than a member.

"Alaska has been having a really hard day.” The woman began. “And this isn't a one time thing, it happens every once in awhile. In our youth we both struggled with addiction."

Violet tensed up at the familiar words.

"I know that's scary,” Sharon reassured her. Surely the woman had read Violet’s file and knew about her past. “but I want to explain to you that it's ok. We're both totally in control; in fact I never had to quit drinking cold turkey. Alaska always had a harder time with it. She's been clean and sober for a good ten years now, but when stress or depression hits, it's hard on her."

Violet nodded in understanding, trying not to overthink the situation just yet.

"She won't relapse. I'm here to help make sure, but she is strong enough on her own. I just wanted you to know that she's totally ok, and she'll surely be fine tomorrow but sometimes this stuff happens." Sharon gave her a comforting squeeze on the shoulder as she finished.

"I understand."

"And I don't want you to be afraid because of this. You can talk to me, or her anytime about it, ok?"

"Ok.” Violet took a moment to think before speaking. “Is it because of me? Because of yesterday?” She dared to ask.

“Oh no, honey.” Sharon shook her head. “Alaska just puts a lot of pressure on herself to get things right, and when she doesn't, she takes it really hard.”

Violet could understand that. She still didn't think what had happened was that big a deal, but from a parent’s perspective, maybe it was.

Sharon drove her to school that morning instead of Alaska, and at the end of the day it was Sharon who picked her up. Violet tried very hard not to be scared, and the emotions rolling around in her stomach were confusing. Her own mother had been addicted to heroin, cocaine, and probably a cocktail of other drugs, and it had been the reason why she'd been unfit to care for Violet. She, for some reason, had never even thought that Sharon and Alaska might have had similar struggles. She berated herself a bit for idolizing them; it was very unlike her to put people on a pedestal. They were just so good and different from anyone she'd ever had care for her, and she allowed herself to be swept away. However, she also tried not to be a pessimist about it. It wasn't like anything had changed, really. Everyone had their demons, and Sharon and Alaska were wonderful people who would surely never let this become a problem, right?

  
Instead of going home, she asked Sharon if she could drop her off at Fame’s. She hadn't given her friend any notice, but going home to the quiet apartment didn't sound fun to her. Sharon seemed pleasantly surprised that she wanted to go out and see her friend, seeing as she spent so much time at home alone.

When she knocked on the door, it was Fame’s mother who answered.

“Oh hello.” She said in a sweet voice. “You must be Violet? I'm Dolly, Fame’s mom.”

“Hi, Dolly, is Fame here?” Violet had never met the woman before, and she seemed so different from Fame in appearance. She was wearing a baggy t-shirt, jeans, and fuzzy slippers.

“Yes, dear. She's just upstairs, I'm sure you know the way. Let me know if you two need anything, I can get some snacks ready. A little thing like you could surely use something to eat. I'm sure Fame would love to have you over for dinner, if your parents don't mind, that is.” She rambled on.

Ah, there was the resemblance. The woman definitely had the same tendency for words as her daughter.

“Thanks Dolly, I'll let you know.” She made her way up the stairs and to Fame’s room. When she arrived, her friend was lying on her stomach on her bed, texting frantically. She was quite a sight. She'd changed out of her school clothes and was wearing purple pajamas with a lipstick motif. Her blonde hair was up in a ponytail, but her face was still painted to perfection.

“Oh, Violet!” She said from her spot, obviously surprised to see her. She hopped off the bed to give Violet a trademark hug. “Oh dear, you'll have to excuse my appearance. I didn't know you were coming over.” When she stepped back from Violet she looked a bit self-conscious and her hands fidgeted with the sleeves of her purple pjs.

“You still look good, bitch, what are you talking about?” Violet told her. “I'm sorry for popping in at such short notice.”

“You know I'm always happy to see you, Violet, and you're welcome here anytime.” Fame patted her bed to suggest that Violet could sit, so she joined her friend. “What's going on? Matthew didn't give you more trouble did he?”

“No, he's been pretty decent actually.” Violet paused, not sure if she should talk about what was really bothering her. “I guess I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I'm a little scared, and I know I'm just overreacting.”

“What do you mean?” Fame seemed really concerned now.

“It's not a big deal…” Violet tried to keep her friend from overdramatizing the situation. “I just, I found out that my foster parents used to be addicts, and I'm having a hard time reconciling the negativity that comes with those words with Sharon and Alaska, I guess?” Violet sort of regretted opening her mouth. “It's stupid, I'm being weird, I probably shouldn't have told you that.”

“Violet, you know you can talk to me.”

For some odd reason, she felt like she could continue. Fame may have been a bit of a talker, but she was also good at listening. “My mom was an addict,” she began. “and my dad probably was too but I never knew him. She used to forget about me all the time, and would spend all our money on drugs. She couldn't survive without the high and it got her thrown in jail.” Violet explained how she knew that addiction was a strong vice; her mother had tried and failed to get clean many times. “I'm just afraid that even though Sharon and Alaska seem great, anything could happen.” She really didn't want to lose everything she'd finally gained.

“I get why you're scared.” Fame said. “You met my mom, right?”

“Yeah…?” Violet spoke tentatively.

“She was an addict too, before I was born. And I'm not trying to say that it's so easy to get over it, but my mom is normal and supportive now after all these years. She knows how to deal with her tendency towards addiction. I'm sure your foster parents do too.”

“You're probably right.” Violet appreciated her friend’s words. She just couldn't help the thoughts of if Dolly, and Sharon and Alaska could overcome such an obstacle, why hadn't her own mother been able to do the same?

“Not everyone deals with what life throws at them the same way. Some people can overcome it, and others can't. It doesn't mean they're bad people either, it just means they need help.”

That made sense. Alaska and Sharon were there to help each other. Violet hadn't been the help her own mother had needed.

“Thanks, Fame.” Violet whispered, leaning her head on her friend’s shoulder.

“Thank you for talking to me, Violet. I hope you know that I'm always here for you.”

\-------

When Violet got home from dinner at Fame’s she was happy to see that Alaska was up and about the apartment again.

“Hey.” She greeted the teen, who took off her coat and shoes.

“Fame’s mom gave me a ride home.” Violet told her foster mother.

“That’s so nice of her.” Alaska drawled, pausing in the middle of sweeping the floor before speaking again. “I want to apologize for today, and for yesterday. I know Shar talked to you a bit already. I'm sorry that you had to see me like that.”

“It's ok.” Violet brushed it off. Talking to Fame had made her feel much better about the situation.

“I'm sorry if I scared you. I'm feeling totally good now, but I didn't want to ignore the fact that it happens sometimes. I'm trying so hard to do this all perfectly, and I apologize in advance for the slip ups I'm sure I'll make.” Alaska fiddled with the broom handle, betraying her slight nervousness.

“Everyone messes up sometimes. It's normal, and it's ok. You really don't have to apologize.” Violet assured her, and though her voice wasn't softer than its regular tone, she meant it. It was a little weird to her that she was comforting Alaska, but it seemed to be working.

“I want you to know that both me and Noodles are so happy to have you here. I don't know if we've said that yet, but Violet, you've been so wonderful.”

“I'm happy to be here too.”

Alaska reached out her arms to hug her, and Violet gratefully accepted. This was the woman she knew, and nothing had changed.

She headed to her room to do some homework, and as she walked down the hallway she noticed that every light fixture in the whole apartment was brightly lit, such a contrast to that morning. She knew things were going to be ok.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Violet tries something new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops accidentally posted this early. Will be on AQ tonight
> 
> Tw: brief past child abuse mention

Violet placed the dress over her body, admiring herself in the mirror. She'd just been wandering around the apartment alone and had stumbled across Sharon and Alaska’s closet. She was shocked to see an entire wall filled with glamorous gowns and more shoes than she really thought any two people could wear. Both women dressed well, but it was surprising to see these pieces that looked like they came entirely from a fantasy world. Violet had decided to just look around for a minute, because she was curious as to what they had in here and why, and she'd found a pretty, floral patterned dress that looked runway ready. She indulged herself, something she never did usually, and allowed herself to imagine wearing the beautiful garment, looking like the fashion editorials she loved so much.

Suddenly the closet door creaked open. "What are you doing in here?" It was Alaska.

Violet dropped the dress to the floor. "Nothing, I-I'm sorry I'll go. I'm so sorry."

  
She was panicking. She never let herself even think about any of this stuff usually and it was incredibly scary to have someone, even if it was just Alaska, know. On top of that, she'd been snooping in her foster parents’ private things, and oh god, she hoped she wasn't in trouble.

"Hey, it's ok. I was just looking for you." Alaska placed a comforting hand on the teen's shoulder. "You can use any of this stuff, I'm sure Sharon wouldn't mind."

"This is all hers?" Violet asked, in awe, trying to brush off her shame. It didn't seem like Alaska was mad. "Even this?" She pointed to a large silver crown on the highest shelf.

"Most of it is hers." Alaska said fondly. "And that crown most definitely is."

"Wow, I had no idea. Was she a model or something?"

"She was for a little while, not really anymore. She used to do pageants, actually we both did, and that's the crown she won for the Pennsylvania title of Miss United States in 2007."

"Oh my god, Sharon was Miss Pennsylvania US?!" Violet exclaimed.

"Yeah, she's a special one." Alaska meant it, but there was a twinge of hurt in her voice.

"Well, I wouldn't want to wreck any of this stuff, it must have cost a fortune."

  
Alaska saw Violet’s face completely close up. Why was she afraid of letting herself wear nice things? It had been something that was strange to Alaska. Violet loved fashion and beauty but didn't seem to extend those to her personal life.

"When you're famous, even on a small scale, people love to throw free stuff at you. Believe me, Sharon probably hates most of what's in here." Sharon had always been alternative, even in the pageant world. And since she'd moved away from competitions, most of the designer gowns and costumes went unused. "Why don't you try on that dress you were holding earlier?" Alaska suggested.

  
Violet looked reluctant at first.

“Is something wrong?” Alaska asked.

“No, I just. It's stupid.” Violet brushed it off.

“I'm sure it's not, it's ok.”

“I just, I've never presented in a feminine way, you know? And even though I feel feminine, I'm afraid I won't like how I look, or others won't like it.” Violet rambled quietly. “And I don't care what they think, not really, but before I got here I would never ever have been allowed to wear stuff like this.”

Alaska could read between the lines enough to know not only would Violet have not been allowed to present in a feminine way in her last homes, but she was probably punished and harassed for even thinking of it. That was all the more reason for Alaska to help her now.

“Listen Violet, me and Sharon not only accept you, but we support you. If you want to try any of this stuff here, you are more than welcome. And if you want to wear any of it out, same goes. We'd never judge you for presenting in any way you like. We just want you to be comfortable and happy.” She picked the dress from earlier off the floor and handed it to Violet, gently. “So, how about you go try this on?”

Violet's face lit up, and she ran to the bathroom to put it on. When she emerged, she got Alaska to help zip her up. The dress fit her a bit big in the chest and the hips, but not awkwardly so. She was certainly tall enough.

"You look beautiful." Alaska told her.

Violet turned to the mirror, admiring the feminine silhouette formed by the dress. She finally felt like her body looked how she always wanted. It was just her shaggy hair and face that didn't match now. She had extremely hooded eyes, and it made her eyebrows look harsh and masculine.

"Do you want me to do your makeup?" Alaska asked her, noticing how the teen was scrutinizing her own face in the mirror.

"Really?" Violet looked like all her dreams were coming true. She'd never imagined she'd be able to do any of this until she was much older and out of the foster system.

"I'll get my stuff, Sharon has too much black and white." Alaska went to grab her makeup kit from the bathroom and brought it back to the bedroom. She got Violet to sit down at the vanity, and the girl was excited and terrified to see her own transformation. She tried not to get her hopes up, just in case she didn't end up liking it.

Alaska looked at her straight on for a moment, planning what kind of a look would suit the girl. She got an idea, and smiled.

"I'm gonna do something weird, and you need to not question me." Alaska told Violet, searching through her drawers for an Elmer's glue stick. She began to coat the teen's eyebrows with the thick purple substance, and Violet just looked at her questioningly.

"A bunch of mine and Sharon's friends do drag." Alaska told her. "You know what that is?" Violet nodded excitedly. "Well this is a trick they use to cover up their eyebrows so they can draw them on wherever they like. It really helps with hooded eyes."

After brows Alaska got going with foundation, bringing in highlights with concealer and contouring with a warm brown colour. The two began to chat as Alaska worked.

"You said you did pageants too, is that where you learned all this?" Violet asked.

"Yeah, I did them when I was a kid and it continued into my young adult years." Alaska replied.

"Is that where you and Sharon met?"

"Oh no." Alaska said. "Pageants were always more my thing than Sharon's. We grew up in the same town, and went to the same school. We were friends as teenagers and she used to tease me relentlessly about the pageant thing. She thought it was absurd, and she was right. I always took it way too seriously."

"Then how'd she end up winning?" As soon as she asked, Violet regretted it, realizing that it was probably a sore point for Alaska. "Sorry, you don't have to answer."

"It's ok." Alaska assured her. "That year I convinced her to audition with me, partly because I wanted her to see how hard I had to work, and partly because I was head over heels in love with her. I didn't think she'd even make it in, but she worked her ass off. It was a really big deal, because Sharon doesn't conform, she is freaky and punk rock but she brought in some glamour too and the judges ate it up. Honestly, her win changed the pageant world forever, and for the better."

"You had to compete against each other? That must have been hard."

"Actually, I didn't even get in that year. It wasn't Sharon's fault but I slipped up in the talent portion when I saw her making goofy faces at me from backstage. It was hard, at first, but I just wanted to support her the best I could. Anyways, I found my calling soon after."

She was talking about art. Violet knew Alaska was smart and creative, and her practice involved multimedia. She was pretty sure she even made strange fashion pieces. It was really cool work, and she could see Alaska enjoyed it.

"Do you miss it?" Violet asked.

"Sometimes. But I've outgrown the pettiness and the competition. I'm glad me and Sharon hadn't started dating yet, because it surely would have been a mess. I just miss performing for an audience, really."

  
Alaska finally got to eyes, which were her favourite part. She pulled in some brown and blue tones that suited Violet's complexion and drew a thick cat eye with eyeliner. The final touch was a classic red lip, which fit nicely on Violet’s bow-shaped mouth.

Violet finally allowed herself to look in the mirror properly, and she was absolutely astounded at her own transformation. She could see her own features beneath the makeup, but it's like they had finally been enhanced in the way she always hoped they would be. The look wasn't unnatural, like she'd been afraid it would be. She'd seen a couple drag queens on the internet in her lifetime, and lots of their makeup was intensely exaggerated and beautiful, but what Alaska had done was a bit more simple and classic.

"Come here." Alaska called from the closet, where she had disappeared again for a few seconds without Violet noticing. The teen followed her in.

"You can pick any colour you'd like." They were standing in front of a shelf of wigs of every colour and style. Violet couldn't believe her eyes. She tried a few, before picking a classic, voluminous black wig.

When she looked at herself in the full-length mirror she felt so overwhelmed with happiness that she thought she might cry.

"Do you like it?" Alaska asked her, unsure if the teen was happy or upset.

"I love it!" The girl squealed, turning around to hug Alaska. This was the first time she'd hugged her first, and Alaska was overwhelmed with gratefulness.

"I can really use this stuff anytime?"

Alaska nodded. "We can get you some of your own things too." Perhaps a new shopping trip was due, now that Violet was obviously a bit more comfortable.

"Will you teach me how to do my makeup like this?"

"Of course."

"Thank you thank you thank you Alaska."

Alaska had never seen Violet look so happy, and in the moment she couldn't stop herself from saying, "You can call me mom."

Violet went quiet.

"I mean, only if you want. You know what? Never mind it's ok." Alaska tried to save herself. It was fine, she understood that it was a bit fast.

"Thanks, mom." Violet said fondly in response.

\------

"We have to adopt her." Alaska told Sharon when she got home that night.

"Woah there, kitten. We've only had her here a couple of months."

"It doesn't take more than a couple of months to know you love someone and want them in your life forever."

"It took you years to fall in love with me." Sharon reminded her, her voice a tad bitter.

"That's not fair." Alaska said. She had always loved Sharon, they'd both just been too messed up in the first years of friendship to work. It had taken leaving behind abusive home lives, and drugs, and alcohol before Alaska could even consider a real relationship. And even after that, there had been the pageants and Sharon's win holding them back. It had taken more than love to get them where they were today, but it had been worth it. She knew Sharon knew that already.

"I'm sorry." Sharon said. "You know I didn't meant that. You were just so uncertain when we first started this, I never expected you to be the one to suggest adoption first."

"Are you saying you don't want to?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying." Sharon gathered her thoughts. "I love her already, and if you're ready, I'm ready."

"I just-" Alaska paused. "We put her in some of your old pageant stuff today, and Sharon, she looked so happy and that was all us, we made her feel happy and loved. She belongs here, and the thought of her going to another home, where the people wouldn't understand her and see how amazing and smart she is... I can't bear it."

  
The fears that had been holding Alaska back since the start seemed so insignificant now. She knew her and Sharon could love Violet enough to make it through the tough stuff, and god would there certainly be tough stuff. What else could any parent do?

"Ok." Sharon agreed.

"Ok." Alaska smiled and captured her lips in a kiss.

  
\-------

Violet was scared shitless.

She didn't really know why, if she was being honest. Nothing was really different, but the vulnerability had overwhelmed her the second Alaska had dropped her off and she'd stepped out of the car.

“Oh my god, Violet, you look beautiful!” Fame was the first to exclaim out of her friends, her blue eyes wide in awe.

“Really?” She asked, adjusting her hair a bit. She hadn't quite done the full glam like she had with Alaska, but her face was done, she was wearing a dress, and she'd curled her hair. It was the most feminine she'd ever looked at school.

“Yeah, bitch, you clean up well.” Trixie agreed and Katya nodded excitedly next to her. Violet felt immediately more comfortable when she realized that the amount of makeup on her face still probably seemed insignificant compared to her Barbie doll friend.

Fame linked her arm with Violet’s and she immediately relaxed knowing she had a posse of friends supporting her. They all made their way to class without a fuss, and if the other students whispered, Katya and Trixie would shoot them a look that assured they would stop.

The day went quite smoothly, and Violet felt better than she ever had about her appearance. The way she looked was right, there was no other way to explain it. Her clothes weren't Jason Dardo, the quiet confused (abused) boy, who'd never really been her. She was Violet, with foster parents who cared about her, friends who supported her, and a bright future.

As she left the school at the end of the day, Matt even ran up to talk to her. Since their detention together he'd at least been civil and didn't directly antagonize her. She knew he was trying to wrap his head around everything but she didn't always have time to be responsible for his learning.

“Violet!”

“Yeah.” She was a little self conscious around him still, but held her head up high to exude confidence.

“I…” he trailed off, eyes meeting hers.

“You're not here to laugh at me again, are you?”

“No… fuck no. Um…” he ran a hand through his shaggy hair. “You look hot.”

“Thanks, Matt, I really needed your white male approval to know I'm attractive.” Violet rolled her eyes, but she wasn't as unimpressed as her tone came across.

“No, it's not like that. You just confuse me.” Oh and there were the fuckboy tendencies again.

“Wow, bitch, you really know how to make a girl feel good.” She joked.

“Sorry. I'm shitty at this today.” Matt’s face crumpled, and he really did look sorry. Like usual, he seemed to actually be trying to be nice but the words were coming out a little wrong.

Violet was interrupted as Alaska’s car pulled up to the school, and she could see Sharon sitting in the passenger seat.

“This is my ride.” She told Matt, and the boy looked like he might panic.

“Just, one sec, please?” He glanced at the car and smiled sheepishly as Sharon and Alaska waved at Violet.

Violet waited.

“I wanted you to know you look really nice. No matter what you wear you look great, but I can tell you're happy, and I'm happy for you.”

“Thanks Matthew.” She said, masking the edge of fondness seeping into her voice. She went to the car to meet her foster parents, who greeted Matt through an open window.

They drove home and Violet brushed her fingers through her hair. She smiled.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyday is Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize it's march but it's never too late for a holiday special

After years of horrible Christmas days in their youth, Sharon and Alaska had become accustomed to celebrating Christmas on December 24th instead. Christmas Eve was a day reserved for them and the people they really truly loved, not just those who were related by blood. It was no different this year, even though they had Violet.

They'd decorated the apartment with various Christmas trinkets, and they even had a small tree squished in the corner of the living room. Alaska had made the mistake of letting Sharon do the tree this year, which meant it was an amalgamation of reindeer, snowflakes, and of course, a set of skeleton lights they had bought at Halloween. It was cute and tacky and somehow perfectly represented their personalities.

Violet was a bit nervous as it was the first holiday she was spending with Sharon and Alaska. Similarly to her two foster parents, Christmas was rarely a day worth celebrating for her. When she'd been young, she'd barely known the holiday existed; her mother had never had money or motivation to do gifts or dinner or even decorate. Even once she'd been placed in the foster system and passed from family to family, she'd always been left out. Christmas was always something that everyone else celebrated, but not her, a foreign entity that was hard to understand.

It didn't seem like it was going to be too much of a big ordeal, however. Sharon and Alaska had only decided to invite one of their close friends over, Jinkx, who arrived promptly at 7:00 pm.

"Alaska, Sharon, darlings." Jinx greeted each of them with a kiss on the cheek. She stepped back, noticing Violet standing behind them.

"And you must be the wonderful Violet that I hear so much about." Jinkx extended a manicured hand to the teen, who shook it tentatively without saying a word. It surprised her, for some odd reason, to think that Sharon and Alaska told people about her. They seemed so isolated from the rest of the world sometimes.

"Merry Christmas, Jinkxy," Alaska told her, taking her coat to hang in the closet. "Come on in, Sharon will get you a drink."

"Are you guys still on this whole Christmas thing? Neither of you are Christian, you could celebrate anything."

"I've tried to tell her we should convert to satanism, Jinkx, I've really tried." Sharon said seriously as she poured the redhead a glass of red wine.

"Oh Sharon, you know that's not what I mean. I love the holidays. I just thought maybe we could light the menorah this year, for little old me. It's the 24th after all, and the first day of Hanukkah lines up with it."

"Well we've still got the one you left here last year, so go ahead and do it if you'd like." Alaska came back into the kitchen, holding said menorah. "But the Christmas music stays."

A gentle ringing of bells floated over from the speakers.

"I feel like meshing up all of these religious traditions must be worse than just celebrating Christmas without being Christian." Sharon pointed out.

"They're all just capitalist holidays anyways, my dear, and I shall celebrate them all together as I please." Jinkx explained with a flurry of hand gestures.

Alaska invited Violet over the the kitchen, noticing the girl had been very quiet.

"I know I'm quite the character." Jinkx turned toward her. "But I swear I don't bite."

  
Violet tried to force a smile, but it tugged at her cheeks in a funny way. Jinkx seemed sweet, and hardly someone to be afraid of, but something in her was terrified of making a bad impression. It was like she was waiting for Sharon and Alaska to realize they had made a horrible mistake in taking her in. What if Jinkx was the person to finally point it out to them?

It was a completely absurd train of thought, and Violet knew it. She stopped her brain from wandering and forced herself to speak.

“I know I have a resting bitch face, but I don't bite either.”

Jinkx laughed, and Sharon and Alaska joined in. The awkwardness melted away.

“So how do you know Sharon and Alaska?” Violet asked the redhead.

“Me and Lask go way back to our pageant days, but me and Sharon work in the same office now.”

“It's a small world.” Alaska smiled as she spoke.

“Yeah, and once I met these two fools, they just couldn't get rid of me.”

“We wouldn't want to.” Alaska added.

“Well…..” Sharon joked, squeezing Jinkx gently on the shoulder.

Jinkx nursed her wine a little longer, and Sharon offered Violet a glass. However, she really preferred not to drink and joined Alaska in grabbing some sparkling cranberry juice instead.

"Are you all hungry? Because I've prepared a beautiful feast for all of us tonight." Sharon said proudly.

"And by prepared she means we got postmates." Alaska clarified. "We don't cook, right Violet?"

"I'm fifteen and I can make a meal better than both of you combined. Did you know they burned spaghetti the other day, Jinkx? Spaghetti!"

"That sounds about right." Jinkx laughed. "One of these years you can all come over to mine for the holidays instead. I actually do cook. Or at least let me bring something here when I offer, every single year."

"But where's the fun in that?" Sharon asked, grabbing Alaska's hand and giving it a soft kiss.

“Don’t these two just drive you crazy with the lovey dovey stuff? I can't imagine being around it all the time.”

Violet laughed. Sharon and Alaska were extremely mushy, but there was something kind of nice about the fact that seemed to love and respect each other so much. Violet didn't actually find it annoying.

They ate their meal joyfully, and Violet helped Sharon clean up as Alaska and Jinkx settled down in the living room.

When Violet went to join them after finishing up she felt a little bit uneasy. As she sat in a chair next Jinkx she realized that there was a pile of gifts under the tree and she hadn't bought a single one for her foster parents.

Jinkx looked about ready to hop out of her chair with excitement. The woman quickly grabbed two snowflake-covered bags and handed them to Sharon and Alaska.

They both reached into the bags to find a crudely hand-knitted sweater for each of them. Alaska’s was a more traditional ugly Christmas sweater with a reindeer on the front. There were bells sewn onto the piece so that it would be just the right amount of annoying as she walked around wearing it. Sharon’s sweater was, no surprise, a Halloween one. It had the words “witch please” knitted on it with a picture of a witch flying in front of the moon. Sound effects hadn't been forgotten there either, a pat on the shoulder gave a nice loud “Boo!” which had Sharon cackling with laughter as she immediately put on the garment. The bottom of their bags held a few gift cards to their favourite stores and a nice Hallmark card to put up on the mantle of the fireplace.

“Aw, thanks Jinkxy!” Alaska exclaimed, going up to embrace her friend. She passed over her and Sharon’s gift to Jinkx, which was a pack of her favourite cookies and a matching set of earrings and a necklace she'd been eyeing on an earlier shopping trip. There was a lot of love going around.

Jinkx even had a small gift for Violet, which the girl protested against.

“I don't need anything.” She told the redhead.

“Oh nonsense, it was nothing, I wanted to.”

Inside the bag was a pretty pink lounge robe that looked warm and comfy for around the house but could even be dressed up for a more classy look. Violet couldn't help the smile that spread over her face. She thanked Jinkx profusely, and the woman looked very pleased with Violet’s reaction.

Finally, Alaska and Sharon went to grab their gifts for Violet from under the tree. She began to open them a bit meekly, overwhelmed with having so many things she'd never even dreamt of receiving. They'd bought her a couple magazine subscriptions, some black heels in her size, gift cards to some decent clothing and makeup stores, and a rather impressive palette of eyeshadow. Her final gift was just a 9 by 12 yellow envelope, which she opened to reveal a pile of paperwork.

Violet looked up at Sharon and Alaska, puzzled. They just smiled at her so she began to look through the papers.

“What?” She asked in disbelief.

“We've done almost all the paperwork, and after all this time it's finally been cleared. I think there's just one more piece to sign.” Alaska babbled.

“What we’re saying is, would you like to officially become our daughter?” Sharon gave Violet a hopeful smile.

“Yes!” She squealed, completely overwhelmed with happiness. She could feel tears beginning to form in her eyes as Sharon and Alaska wrapped her in their arms. She'd never imagined she would be adopted. She was just a few years off being 18 now that she'd figured she'd just have to wait a little longer to be out of the system, but this was better than she ever could have imagined.

“Of course we’ll discuss with you and your social worker about if you want any contact with your birth mother, but don't worry about it too much. We just want you to be a part of the decision making process.” Alaska assured Violet in their hug.

As she pulled away from the warm embrace and wiped her eyes she said, “I feel terrible I didn't get anything for you guys.” Her voice was a little shaky.

“You said yes, what else could we possibly need? Right, Shar?” Alaska reached to pull her partner closer.

“Can I be auntie Jinkx, then?” Jinkx asked Sharon and Alaska, and she was a little teary-eyed at the scene. “You two are my sisters, after all.”

“Of course Jinkx.”

The rest of the night passed just as smoothly. They settled down to watch some Hallmark Christmas movies that Sharon complained about the entire time. They were extremely cheesy, with bad sets and worse acting, but it felt just right.

With her new family surrounding her, Violet had never felt more loved in her entire life.

\------------

Violet knew very little about Alyssa Edwards. She’d heard she was kooky and glamorous and sweet, but she'd never had the chance to talk to the girl.

She sure did know how to throw a New Year’s party though.

Violet had been roped into attending by Trixie and Fame, and after they'd volunteered to help style her, it hadn't been hard to agree.

The party’s theme had been black and white, so Violet was wearing one of Fame’s dresses, a cute, tight black dress with tasteful white appliqué. Her friends had done her makeup and hair for her (well Katya helped by sitting still) and all four of them looked stunning. When they arrived at the party, Violet was ready to slay them all with her look, and she was barely even nervous.

Almost as soon as they arrived, her little posse broke up to mingle, and Violet found herself searching through the crowd for some familiar faces. Alyssa must have invited the whole school, it was so packed inside her house.

She spotted Max from afar in the living room, and it looked like she was arguing with a blonde boy whose face she couldn't see. Violet walked over to interject.  
“Hey Max, is this guy giving you trouble?”

Oh shit. As the boy turned around, Violet berated herself for not realizing it was Matt. She tried not to look shocked.

“It's fine, Matt was just leaving.” Max said coldly, giving Matt a stern look.

“See you around, Violet.” He said rather calmly, turning over his shoulder to leave.

“What's up?” Violet asked the pale girl. Not oblivious to the tension between her two friends(?).

“He can just be so infuriating sometimes!” Max complained, obviously frustrated. “He does have more of a personality than a brick wall, but he sure is selective about when he shows it.”

“I get what you mean.” Violet agreed. “How do you know him?”

“Him and Tracy--Trixie, were friends before I was homeschooled, so I saw him pretty often. He's a sweet boy, really, with a lot of potential; he just likes to waste it.”

That was pretty much what Violet got from the boy as well.

“Nevermind him, we should still be able to have a good time.” Max brushed it all off and grabbed Violet’s hand to lead her to the kitchen, and subsequently, the alcohol. Violet tensed up a bit as Max refilled her drink and poured one for Violet. She was looking at her expectantly so Violet did her best to take a sip. She didn't know how she hadn't realized that Max was already a bit drunk before. The girl was usually very calculated, but she'd loosened up completely.

Violet trailed behind Max for awhile, but it wasn't long before the girl was talking with a group of people that Violet didn't know. The circle was completely closed off, and she had little desire to have to make petty small talk with them. She moved around the floor and there were just so many people she didn't know. She felt so small and insignificant in the large group of upperclassmen swimming around her.

“Hey, babe, I don't think I've seen you around before.” An older boy with dark hair and pale eyes tapped her on the shoulder.

“It's my first time here.” Violet tried to be polite but she really just wanted to find her friends.

“I'd be happy to show you around.” The boy told her, obviously trying to flirt and though Violet was flattered, she was having none of it.

“Can you hold my drink?” She asked, already handing the half-empty cup into his hand. It was a bit of a bitchy move but there was nowhere to put it down and she didn't feel like finishing it. From there, she pushed her way out of the crowd, finally spotting Fame laughing with one of the girls from their chemistry class.

As soon as she walked up, it was like Fame already knew what she was going to say. She excused herself from the conversation she'd been having and hooked her arm through Violet’s to find somewhere a bit more private.

They settled on sitting in a quiet corner of the living room, where a group was playing spin the bottle and wouldn't notice them off to the side.

“I'm sorry,” Violet would have liked to have a good time and get loose, but she'd been on her toes her whole life and couldn't quite bring herself to be free. “I don't drink you know?” She said as if it explained everything.

“Me neither, I get it.” Fame squeezed her hand. She understood the whole ‘fear of addiction’ thing better than anyone.

“I just feel so out of place. Like, I know I'm kind of a bitch sometimes but I feel really alienated today and everyone is drunk and I’m not.”

“You know Kat and Trix and I, and even Max, love you, right?”

“That’s just so foreign to me, Fame. I've never really had friends, I've never been nice or normal or permanent enough.”

“You are perfect Violet.” Sometimes Violet didn't know how to respond to Fame’s unabashed compliments.

“Sharon and Alaska are adopting me.” She changed the subject.

“Really? Violet, that's so amazing!”

“It is, it really is.”

“But?”

“It’s silly and childish.” She brushed it off. “It's just, the first step of the adoption process is the birth parents giving up parental rights. And honestly, my mother gave up that role in my life the second my dad left but it's just…”

“It’s explicit now, it’s in writing.”

“Exactly.” Violet nodded. “And Sharon and Alaska are everything that I have ever wanted in parents, so it feels stupid to be hung up on it.”

“I think it's normal to be sad at the feeling of being abandoned. But Violet, Sharon and Alaska chose you. Out of all the kids in the world they could have had they chose you. That's a big deal.”

“I don't know why they did, honestly.”

“You're really special Violet, you know that right?”

“Thanks, Fame. You're really special too.” She gave her friend a hug, and stood up. “I'm gonna go find the bathroom.”

She walked down the hallway, finally finding what she was pretty sure was a bathroom. She opened the door, only to have her eyes fall upon Katya and Trixie making out against the wall.

“Oh my god, you guys.” She yelled, breaking the two apart. Trixie’s cheeks were red with embarrassment and Katya just licked her lips and smiled. “Lock the door or something next time, would you?” She scolded, but couldn't help the smile tugging at her cheeks. She had sensed some kind of tension between the two so it wasn't much of a surprise.

“There's another bathroom one floor up.” Katya told Violet as she closed the door.

“Thanks!” Violet yelled back. She took the staircase up to the next level, and it was much quieter there. It looked like where more of the bedrooms were, and Violet spotted a door with a bedazzled “Alyssa” written on it in pink.

She pushed the door of the bathroom open and sure enough, there was someone in there again. She just couldn't get a break tonight, could she?

The figure on the floor looked up at her and sniffled.

“Matt?” She asked, recognizing that face but not the distraught expression.

“Shit, Violet. I'll leave.”

“What's going on?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing, I'm fine.”

“Doesn't look like it, bitch.” Violet said. “Look, I really need to pee but if you go outside and wait for me we can talk.”

Violet used the bathroom and luckily Matt was still sitting out in the hallway when she finished. He looked completely different than he did at school, all of the cockiness he usually had was gone.

“Rough night?” Violet asked, moving to join him.

“I guess.” Matt said quietly. “My parents were just being shitty and now I'm here and I'm not really in the mood for all the boy talk.”

“What was going on with you and Max earlier?”

“I was just being an asshole, like usual.”

“You know you can choose not to be.” Violet pointed out.

“I don't get how you do it.”

“Do what?”

“The unshakeable confidence thing. Like, you know who you are and you don't let anyone change that.”

“I just don't care about anyone else.” Violet said bluntly. “Ok, maybe that's not quite true. I've had to be my own support system my whole life, and I wouldn't have been able to survive if I didn't tell myself that I'm great.”

“What does it mean if I like you?” Matt asked, and suddenly his face was really close to hers.

“It doesn't have to mean anything.”

Before anything could go further, Matt turned around and threw up on the nice, polished, hardwood floor.

The crowd downstairs began to yell as the countdown started at ten. As it made it down to one Violet helped Matt to his feet, cleaned him up, and delivered him back to his friends and the rest of the party.

New Year’s kisses were overrated anyways.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To be young and wild and free

Sharon and Alaska were both out, and Violet had the whole apartment to herself. She was pretty sure Sharon was working, and Alaska had said something about visiting a couple friends for dinner, but she couldn't remember exactly. She was just appreciating her alone time when her cellphone rang and she didn't recognize the number. 

“Violet?” She hadn't known who to expect but it certainly hadn't been Matt. 

“How did you get my number?” She couldn't remember ever giving him any of her contact info. 

“Trixie gave it to me.” 

“Oh ok.” Violet said. “What's up? Have you recovered from New Year’s yet?” He'd been pretty piss-drunk, but it had been a few days. 

“Can I come over?” Matt ignored her question, sounding a bit desperate. 

“Um…” Though rationally she knew she was allowed to have people over, it seemed a little weird that Matt might be the first of her friends to see her house.

“Please?” 

“Yeah, of course.” She obliged. 

He sounded really distraught, and Violet wasn't a horrible person, so she could at least be sympathetic. She texted him her address and patiently went to wait in the living room.

Matt arrived only about 20 minutes later, and he must have walked or taken the bus because Violet never saw a car pull up. 

“What's going on?” She asked as soon as she let the boy in.

“I just needed to get out of there.” He didn't seem to want to elaborate, so Violet didn't push him. She could relate to not wanting to talk about a shitty home life. That had been her trying to make conversation most of her life. She had sensed there was something rough with Matt’s family pretty early on. Not that it was an excuse for him being kind of shitty sometimes.

“C’mon in.” She invited Matt to take off his shoes and brought him into the living room. Violet couldn't help but be a little self-conscious as he looked around the small space, inspecting every surface carefully.

“These your foster parents?” He asked. He'd found a photo on the mantle of Sharon and Alaska. It looked like it was a couple years old. Sharon’s hair was bleached nearly white, not it's current black, and she smiled at the camera as Alaska was giving her a kiss on the cheek. It was sickeningly cute, if Violet was being honest.

“They look pretty young.” 

“They are.” Violet agreed. “Sharon’s thirty or so I think. Alaska is a couple years younger maybe.” 

“I guess that's the perk of not having biological children. No teenage pregnancy but you get to be a young parent.” Matt remarked. 

“I guess…” It wasn't weird for Matt to ask awkward questions, especially when it came to parent things, but he seemed particularly upset today. “Matt, are you ok?”

“I'm fine.” 

She invited him to her room after offering him something to eat or drink--he declined. Violet tried not to be awkward, but she'd never had any friends over to her house. It wasn't that she was embarrassed, really. She loved Sharon and Alaska’s little apartment even though it was small. It just felt really personal to have anyone in what had become her safe space. 

“Tell me more about your foster parents.” Matt didn't look at Violet as he sat down on her bed. He seemed to want a distraction, and normally Violet wouldn't have obliged, but they'd become almost friends?

“Um… Well they're adopting me, so they won't be my foster parents much longer.”

Matt leaned back on the bed, getting comfortable, so Violet continued. 

“Alaska is an artist, and she has a studio next door and everything. Sharon has an office job during the day but I think she sings or something at a bar downtown too.”

“They sound pretty cool.” It was nice to hear that Matt was being better about the whole, lesbian thing. 

“They are.” Violet agreed. “Like, they're both pretty young but they seem to have done a lot in their lives already; travelling, school, different jobs. Sharon even won a pretty big pageant quite a few years back.” 

Matt was quiet for a few seconds before speaking again, and Violet wasn't sure if he was really listening to what she was saying. He seemed very lost in his own head.

“Are your parents dead, or were they just shitty?” He asked out of the blue.

“My mom’s in jail. My dad could be dead for all I know.” Violet answered even though he was being unfair. He knew she didn't really like to talk about her past. “Matt, are your parents abusing you?” She asked outright. Violet had been through enough in her life that she didn't feel like beating around the bush. 

“I don't know.” He answered, and that worried Violet. “No.” He continued, more surely this time.”I just suddenly feel like I'm questioning everything they've ever told me because they can't be right with what I know now.” 

“What do you know now?” 

“That everything’s not black and white. Not people, not feelings, not anything.” Matt elaborated. “I'm sorry, we should have fun. I need to stop.” He reached into his pocket, pulling out a joint and a lighter. “Wanna share?” He asked, lighting it and passing it to Violet. 

She nodded and took a puff. As Matt began to smoke, his mood seemed to improve. Violet could feel her anxiety melting away too. 

Somehow, Matt convinced her to look through the kitchen cupboards for some alcohol. They found a half-empty bottle of vodka and did shots out of a plastic IKEA cup. Violet allowed herself not to worry about drinking; she was literally in the safest place to be doing it. Besides, she was starting to have fun, and Sharon and Alaska were probably going to be out until late. 

She allowed herself to be a little bit reckless, and it wasn't like when she'd been in some of her previous homes. She'd been really angry and rebellious for a long time and had caused her fair share of trouble. But she'd never gotten to be a kid, or even a teenager really, and it was nice to be a bit more free now that her life didn't revolve around rebelling against the foster system and its fucked-up nature.

Her and Matt talked for a long time, and he suddenly got an idea once they were both past tipsy. 

“You said Sharon won a pageant, does she have, like, a crown?” 

“Yeah, it's a big shiny silver thing that probably weighs like a good ten pounds.” 

“We should take it.” 

“And do what?” 

“I don't know, put it on and take photos or something?” Matt seemed excited. "Oh my god wouldn't that be so funny?" 

"I don't know Matt...." 

"C'mon Violet, we'll put it right back after." 

The two snuck into Sharon and Alaska's closet. 

"Ooh la la, look at this!" Matt squealed, grabbing something from the back of the closet. As he turned, Violet saw that he was holding a pink, transparent negligée over his body. 

"Oh my god, put that back!" Violet hissed at him. 

"Come on Vi, it's pretty." 

"I don't want to think about either of my foster moms wearing that, ew." Violet squeezed her eyes shut, trying to forget the image that had popped into her head. 

"They're both kinda hot, even if they are a bit old for my tastes.” Matt continued to dance around in the offensive garment.

"Ew ew ew, please stop talking right now." Violet couldn't even look at him. "Let's just get the crown and get out of here." 

Matt finally dropped the lingerie on the ground. "It's here!" He yelled. He stood on his toes to reach the shiny silver headpiece, pulling it down to Violet's eye level. 

"Wow." Matt gasped, in awe. It was strange almost to see the boy enjoying things that seemed so feminine, and it was nice that he was actually enjoying himself and admiring something so beautiful. 

Violet felt the same way. It was a really beautiful and ornate crown. It had such a power to it, especially due to its towering size. It was hard to imagine anyone wearing such a thing, especially Sharon “spooky mom” Needles. 

Violet danced around while they got ready for their impromptu photo shoot. She did some quick makeup and put on the highest heels in Sharon and Alaska’s closet. This wasn't about looking polished; it was a chance for her and Matt to subvert all the conventions that had been set for them in life.

“I don't know where would be a good place for photos in here.” Everywhere she looked around the apartment seemed too domestic, covered in tasteful beige and white that was very honey, but not glamorous. 

“Do you want to get out of here?” Matt asked. “I have an idea.” 

They walked about twenty minutes to a part of town Violet had never visited before. She complained the whole way because she was carrying an array of clothes to change into, and some of that stuff was fucking heavy. Matt lead her around the back of an old, worn out building, and she didn't question him when the lock was clearly already broken. They found themselves in a basement filled with mannequins, clothing racks, and a bunch of full length mirrors. It was the right amount of grunge and glamour for this shoot. 

“Ooh, bitch, this is perfect!” Violet exclaimed as she looked around the room. “What is this place?” 

“I think it must have been an old costume shop or something.” Matt said rather nonchalantly. She didn’t bother asking how he'd found the abandoned shop; at this point she was too excited to get started. 

Violet went to the back of the room, where there was a closet/dressing room of a sort. She changed into an outfit and touched up her makeup in the mirror. When she got back out, Matt had turned on the battery operated lamps around the room, and was taking a swig straight from the bottle of vodka they'd stolen from the house. 

Feeling confident, Violet took the booze from his hands and did the same, barely noticing the burn now. She slipped on her heels, and posed a bit unsteadily, wearing Sharon’s crown. She put on some music on her phone, and was glad when Matt began to dance with her. They took turns taking some shots of each other, and they were just shitty iPhone photos because neither of them had a proper camera. Somehow, that felt right. Matt seemed so much more free now, and he added some lipstick and a pearl necklace to his look once he was more confident. Violet didn't question it for a second. She could barely stand up straight (a combination of the alcohol, the heels, and probably the giddiness) and she basked in the feeling of not having a care in the world. This is what being young was all about, and even though there were only too of them there, the room was full of energy.

The world spun and suddenly, they were together in the dressing room, and the music was still blaring and there were clothes strewn out everywhere and Matt was standing really close to her. Before Violet could do anything his lips were on hers, smudging her dark lipstick as she was pressed up against the shaky wall.

“Matt.” She mumbled through the kiss, feeling weird and confused. He didn't seem to hear her. “Matt!” She yelled, pushing him off her a little too hard. 

He hit the opposite wall with a thud, and it was like the haze cleared. 

“What the fuck, Violet?” He asked her. “I thought you liked me.” 

“I don't know.” Violet was feeling panicked. “I don't know what I like.” She stood there shaking for awhile, not knowing how to elaborate. Matt stared her down for a few seconds, waiting, before breaking eye contact. 

He left the small room in a huff, and Violet felt like she was floating and not in a pleasant way. Everything was just so confusing and for the first time in awhile she didn't know what she was feeling about anything. Did she like Matt? She didn't know… it's like she thought she did, but his mouth felt weird on hers. She was a lot more drunk than she really liked to be anymore, and she began to see how not-in-control she was of this whole situation. They'd just broken into an abandoned building to take photos, with stolen booze and a stolen crown, and fuck, how could she have been so stupid? 

Suddenly, her thoughts were interrupted by a loud crash, and Matt’s voice saying: “shit.”

She got back out into the main room to see Sharon’s crown in pieces. Neither of them moved or breathed for a second and then Violet collected herself and spoke as calmly as she could. “I need you to leave.” She told Matt as she gingerly reached for the shattered pieces of metal all over the floor. Who knew something so grand could be so delicate?

“Violet, I'm so sorry, I'll help you.” Matt sounded guilty, but at this point she couldn't deal with everything happening around her, even if it wasn't really his fault. 

“Please, Matt, just go.” 

She cleaned up the stuff as much as she could, but the place looked trashed and there was no hope of collecting all of the crown, let alone fixing it. So she wiped the makeup off her face and did the only thing she could think to do: call Alaska. 

“Violet?” Alaska’s voice sounded worried, and Violet wasn't sure how late it was but it was dark outside and everything was a mess. 

“Mom?” Violet found herself close to tears. “Can you come get me?”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The winner of this year's Miss Communication pageant is...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry

“Violet, I was worried sick, are you ok?” The girl nodded but didn't answer as Alaska let her into the car. 

“Can you tell me what happened?” Alaska pressed, not turning the keys in the ignition until she had some answers.

“It's nothing.” Violet said firmly. She could barely wrap her head around what had just happened. Her brain was still fuzzy with alcohol and she was mostly just confused. It wasn't really Matt’s fault, and she shouldn't have been so cold to him, but nothing made sense right now and she was scared.

“How did you end up out here so late? I got home from Willam and Courtney’s and you were gone. I didn't know what to think.” Alaska’s voice was shaky, and it had a tinge of desperation to it.

It became apparent to Violet that Alaska was really worried, even angry, and in the moment she was very overwhelmed with fear. How could she tell Alaska what had happened? She'd never forgive her. She'd gone and messed up everything, just like usual, and what if her and Sharon decided they didn't want her anymore after this? She'd stolen from them, and broken Sharon’s crown, after all.

“Can we please go home?” She tried to change the subject. 

“Violet-

“I really don't want to do this right now.” She raised her voice, and God did she sound like a cunty teenager when she did. Whatever it would take to get Alaska off her back.

“We can't just pretend you didn't call me crying, that your hair and clothes aren’t a mess. You smell like alcohol, and now I've come to get you and you're out here, alone, in the middle of nowhere.” Alaska’s voice was getting much louder, much more upset. “Fuck, I need you to talk to me sometimes!” 

“Nothing happened, don't you listen?” 

“I am trying to listen, but I don't understand. I'm upset because you won't tell me what's going on.” 

“I don't have to fucking tell you everything.” Violet snapped, frustrated with the non-stop pestering. There was no way around this and she was getting desperate.

“I'm not going to be angry with you, but I can't help you if you don't say anything.” 

“I don't need help.” Violet deadpanned. “Especially not yours.” 

“I wish you would give me something here!” Alaska suddenly began to cry. “I can't handle this. Sometimes I can't handle you.” 

In seconds Alaska was a complete sobbing wreck and her cool facade melted away completely. 

“What? Are you seriously breaking down right now?” Violet couldn't believe this. Was this some kind of guilt tactic? She didn't even feel bad now. “You're just like my real mom. A fucking disaster who can't take care of a mess like me.” 

“Violet…” Alaska sobbed. 

“You can't handle me? Well fuck it then, I don't need you. Go find the drugs that'll make you feel better. It worked for my mom. It got rid of me.” 

“Vi-

“Don’t start the car. I'll walk.” 

Before Alaska could protest, Violet was reaching for the car door and stumbling out in a huff. Alaska felt like she couldn't breathe, her chest tightened, and she had to take a few minutes to ride out the panic attack. She'd been too harsh, and now she'd driven Violet away. She'd just been so worried. 

There were stars in her vision but she tried her best to ground herself, paying close attention to specific details like her keys in the ignition, the sound of cars passing by, and the curve of the leather seat against her back. It felt like hours later when she finally calmed down, her body finally surrendering to a more relaxed state. Once her hands stopped shaking with the lack of blood circulation, she picked up her cellphone and dialled Sharon’s number. 

“Lasky?” 

“Fuck, Sharon. I messed up.” She nervously brushed her hair with the fingers on her free hand, and they got stuck in the tangles. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean I messed up, and not like when I forgot to pick her up that one time after school, but like I really fucked up this time.” she rambled, getting panicky again. “Oh God, she hates me, I know she hates me.” 

“Alaska, please slow down.” 

“I can't, fuck, Sharon!” Alaska sobbed. “She left the car, she must be heading home.” 

“I'm almost home, I'll talk to her. Please don't do anything stupid.” 

“I already did.” She'd already hurt Violet. God, how could she have said she couldn't handle her? That wasn't something you should ever say to someone who'd been passed from family to family her whole life because she was too “difficult”. 

“Please, baby, can you call Will and Court and keep them on the line until you get home? I promise it'll be ok.” 

She tried really hard to believe her. Sharon would take care of this, Alaska assured herself. Sharon could always fix everything. 

\-------

Sharon waited in the living room anxiously for Violet to get home. Luckily, she didn't have to wait long before the teen was at the front door.

“Alaska called you?” Was the first thing Violet asked when she saw Sharon.

The woman nodded, her full lips a tight line. “Do you wanna tell me what happened?” She wasn't too cold, but Violet could tell Sharon really wasn't going to take shit tonight.

“You’re not my mom.” Violet said instead of answering, and God what kind of a shitty, foster-teenager answer was that?

“You're right.” Sharon agreed firmly. “Your biological mother is in jail and I'm the one who's taking care of you. She's done a bit of a shit job at being a good ‘mom’.” 

“You’ve done drugs, right Sharon?” Violet asked, stepping into the living room a bit predatorily. “I have too. And I hate that my own mother loved addiction more than she loved me, but I can see how it could happen. It makes everything hurt a bit less.” 

“Violet…” Sharon’s voice softened bit.

“Alaska told me that you guys had it rough growing up, surely you understand.”

“I do.” Sharon admitted, somewhat tentatively.

“But I've gotten over it. I've had to be independent since I was able to walk.” 

“I understand that.” 

“I'm just not used to all of this. People, in general, don't care about me.” 

“But we care about you so much.”

“Do you? Because it feels like you're spying on me, just waiting for me to slip up.” Violet was projecting and she knew it. But she had messed up and she was fucking terrified. She was never going to be safe, not here, not anywhere. She brought destruction with her everywhere she went and it was too much to have them both keeping such a close eye on her. She needed to be alone, the only place she was ever in control. Everything here had tricked her into thinking it was permanent, but nothing in her life ever was, not her friends, not the school, certainly not Alaska. Even Sharon, standing so statuesquely, could go from calm to fiery in a second. 

“Where the fuck did that come from?” Sharon was starting to loose her cool, Violet could tell. She certainly had a temper. “Just talk to us, that's all we want, and let us help you when you need it.” 

“Don't you guys get it? I don't want help!” Violet yelled. “I can't do this today. You've both ganged up on me, and you said you were on my side!” 

“Violet.” 

“Alaska can't handle me being here.” 

“That's not true.” 

“Oh it is, believe me.” Violet said bitterly, thinking back to the other woman shaking a crying in the car earlier. “Maybe it's my fault. I fucking broke her. I don't make things better, Sharon, I make them worse.” 

Violet stormed out and slammed the door before the woman could speak again. She reached to wipe her face and was surprised to feel that underneath her eyes was wet with tears. She hadn't even realized she'd been crying. 

It was too late to catch a bus anywhere so she just walked and walked and walked until she found herself at the house she'd only ever seen from the outside, but knew Alaska and Sharon were unlikely to check first. 

She would have gone to Fame’s if it wasn't so far. Surely her mom would have gladly picked Violet up, but it was way too late for that. She'd go to her friend’s tomorrow. Instead, she walked up the porch of the small townhouse, ringing the doorbell anxiously. 

It was a long wait, and Violet almost turned away because all the lights in the house were off. However, after a good ten minutes, the porch light flickered on, and a very sleepy-looking Jinkx Monsoon opened the door. Her hair was tied back in a messy bun, and she was wearing an admittedly horrendous housecoat with a duck pattern embroidered on the lapels. If Violet wasn't so upset she might have laughed or commented on the garment. 

Without a question, the woman took her gently by the shoulder and let Violet inside. 

\-----

Alaska got home, waiting for Sharon to tell her everything was fine, that Violet had told her what happened, and she'd calmed down and forgiven Alaska. Instead, she was greeted with guilty eyes, and resting anger.

“This is my fault.” Alaska told Sharon. 

“No, it's not, you know it's not.” Sharon tried to comfort her, but it felt like she was lying. 

Alaska took off her coat and shoes, and the doorway seemed empty without Violet’s things next to hers. She joined Sharon on the sofa, sitting tensely without greeting her girlfriend’s eyes. “She's right, I don't know how to be a mother. Either I'm overbearing or I'm absent and neither of those extremes are healthy.” Alaska had messed up , even though she'd tried so hard not to. Violet had only called her out on the truth. 

“That's not true, she didn't mean it.” Sharon reached for her hands, and Alaska was surprised by how warm the other woman’s palms were against her own. 

“I fuck up, all the time. And God, Sharon, what if I relapse?” She ranted, pulling her hands away to gesture as she spoke. Despite her efforts to be the opposite of her own parents, Alaska could feel herself being pulled into the same pattern of “never there/always there” that her own mother had displayed. The genetic trait for mental illness was always looming over her head ominously. “she's gonna end up just like us when we were young because I'm just like my own fucking mother.” 

“You're not, you love her.” Sharon reassured her. 

“You always say that as if loving someone and hurting them are mutually exclusive. My mom loved me Sharon, but she still made me hate myself.” 

“Teenagers fight with their parents, Alaska! You're always acting like every bump in the road is the end of the world, but that's just parenthood! She'll probably be back in an hour, don't be a baby. 

“Fuck you.” Alaska said bitterly. “I don't need this from you too.” 

She stood up to head to bed, leaving Sharon alone in the living room with silence, and the flickering coffee table lamp. 

\------------

Violet wasn't back in an hour. Or four. Both Sharon and Alaska remained awake, still separated, waiting to hear the door. Sharon tried her cell phone a dozen times, and left a few desperate voicemails that she'd probably regret in the morning. Violet was a smart kid, and she'd definitely been on the streets alone for more than a night before, but she could also be impulsive sometimes. 

Sharon only knew one of Violet’s friends, and after the hours stretched by with no sign of the girl, she searched through the online phone book praying the family would still have a home phone in this mobile age. Luckily, they did, and she was answered by a very sleepy-sounding woman that she was positive Violet hadn't been around the house. Sharon apologized profusely for bothering them so late before hanging up. 

She was exhausted, so she went a downed a beer from the back of the fridge and finally lulled herself to sleep on the couch.


	10. Chapter 10

Sharon was shocked awake by her phone ringing. Her heartbeat raced as she stiffly but quickly pulled herself up off the couch to find the object tucked in her purse.

“Hello?”

“Oh, Sharon, thank goodness.” Jinkx’s voice fluttered over the line.

“Jinkx? What's up?”

“Alaska wouldn't answer her phone, but I thought I'd call to tell you Violet was here last night.”

“God, really?” Sharon said hopefully.

“Yes, but look, she told me she was going to go home this morning, and like a fool, I believed her, but after a couple of hours I thought I should check, and I'm assuming she's not there.”

“No, she's not.” Sharon’s heart dropped again. “And you said Alaska wasn't answering her phone?”

“Yeah?” Jinkx sounded confused.

Sharon searched around the house, and sure enough, the bedroom was empty, and Alaska’s phone was lying on the pillow, obviously on silent. The silence in the apartment was almost eerie now that two of the usual inhabitants were gone. When had Sharon gotten used to all the noise and why did she miss it?

“Shit.” Sharon deadpanned. “She's not here.”

“Violet?”

“No, Alaska. Well, Violet’s not here either obviously.”

“Shit. I'm sorry Sharon, I should have called as soon as she arrived, but she looked so distraught and I didn't think it would be good to stir up the drama.”

“Thank you for calling now.” Sharon was grateful. “Was she ok?” She dared herself to ask.

“She seemed mad with herself if anything, but she didn't talk much. I think she's gonna be ok, Sharon.”

“I wish she'd be ok here.”

“I know… I'll keep my eye out for both of them, and I'll let you know if I find out anything. Please don't beat yourself up over this.”

Ah, Jinkx always knew her too well. Sharon hung up and tried to decide what to do next. She went to the bathroom, eager to wash off yesterday’s makeup that lay streaked on her face. As she scrubbed, she noted that she wasn't as young as she used to be, and she looked tired. Gentle lines of worry were starting to show across her forehead and mouth, a sign of her anxiety over recent events.

Once she was clean and dressed, she called in sick to work, apologizing for not showing up, and assessed the situation.

Violet was, most likely, safe. She'd been smart enough to go to someone she trusted and would care for her, for the night at least. So she wasn't being impulsive enough to deliberately get into trouble. Now that it was daytime, the danger of bad things happening out of her own accord went down significantly. However, now that she was probably more-well rested and not drunk, she was a bit of a wildcard. Obviously she hadn't just come to her senses--she'd be home like Jinkx had thought if that was the case. She was still angry, Sharon assumed, and she was smart and could probably go anywhere and do anything if she wanted to. Where would she go? If she was resourceful, she could hitch a ride out of the city, even. Sharon had to admit then that maybe she didn't know enough about Violet, if she couldn't even trace her potential next steps.

She loved them, so she'd have to come home, right? There was little anyone could do until she decided what she wanted for herself.

Fuck, then there was Alaska. How ironic was it that Sharon should probably be more worried about her grown-ass girlfriend than their fifteen-year-old, irresponsible, almost-daughter? Unlike Violet, Alaska was predictable. Even still, the small list of upset, “Alaska-isms” didn't contain many positive coping strategies. Sharon had hoped the worst of it would be another depressive period, especially since she knew Alaska was probably beating herself up more than she needed to about the fight. But she wasn't here, and that's what was the most worrying. Usually, Alaska trusted Sharon, and it was true that they'd fought but she had to know Sharon was on her side.

If she wanted to drink, it wasn't like she couldn't find something around the apartment. Sharon had stopped keeping the house clean of alcohol years ago. Fuck, why was she so frustrating sometimes? Sharon thought.

She paced the floor of the apartment, trying to find something to do to stop the rising anxiety in her stomach and chest. If she left to look for either of them, they could come back home to an empty house, which might not be any better than being out. God, she felt so helpless, for the first time in a really long time. Sharon hadn't been out of control of her life since her teens, when she'd still lived under her parents’ roof.

Should she call the police? The thought came to her without her permission. It was serious to think about the consequences, especially since they hadn't adopted Violet yet. It could cause problems in the process for Violet and Alaska if she did. Surely it wasn't that serious, right?

Better not.

\------

Violet knocked on the door, sighing with relief when a familiar blonde head greeted her.

“Oh thank God, you're not Dolly.”

“Violet!” Fame yelled, pulling her inside. “My mom told me you were missing and you didn't answer my texts, are you ok?”

“Yeah, sorry. My phone’s dead.” She said a bit nonchalantly. “Can I stay here for a bit?”

“Yes, obviously yes.”

“You won't tell anyone, will you?”

“Of course not.” Fame assured her. “You know you can stay here as long as you need, my mom won't tell if you don't want her to.”

“Thank you, you have no idea.” Violet paused.

Fame brought her upstairs, shutting her bedroom door behind them so they could really talk. Violet didn't see her parents anywhere, but Dolly was usually around the house and would probably show up later.

“I'm freaking the fuck out right now, Fame.” Violet admitted to her friend.

“Were they hurting you?”

God, Violet hadn't even considered that anyone would think that. “No. Oh fuck no… I was hurting them, and God, I still am now by not being there but I don't know what to do.”

Fame pulled Violet over to her bed, wrapping her in a tight hug. She finally surrendered to crying, real shuddering sobs, not just a couple spare tears. She'd been holding it all in since last night, God had it only been last night?

“I was horrible to them, and to Matt. Everything just went wrong so fast and it was all my fault and they were going to hate me if they knew.”

“Shhh, it's ok.” Fame stroked her hair. “It's gonna be ok.”

Violet let herself relax finally. Fame was her safety net every time she needed it, and she was so grateful for her. Her friend assured her that they would figure it out, that there was no rush, and the pressure dissipated completely. Even with the mess going on, Violet couldn't regret meeting Fame.

\---------

Sharon wasn't quite sure why or when she had decided that drinking was the best solution in this situation, but there were enough empty cans on the coffee table beside her that she wasn't surprised that her mind was a little fuzzy.

It was awhile later when she heard a key turning in the front door, and she was far gone but not too drunk to greet her girlfriend as she almost shamefully entered the living room.

“Where were you?” She interrogated Alaska, who looked dead tired. Her lanky form was hunched at the shoulders, eyes puffy from crying. Otherwise she looked fine, safe, alive.

“I went on a drive to look for Violet.”

“And you didn't think to bring your phone, or tell me what you were doing, for hours?” There was venom in Sharon’s voice that she didn't bother masking.

“It was so early when I left, and I couldn't think right.”

“You mean, you couldn't think about anyone but yourself? Meanwhile me and Jinkx were out of our minds worried about both of you.”

“What does Jinkx have to do with all this?”

“Well, if you'd been home, you'd know that Jinkx called to say Violet was at hers last night but left in the morning.” Sharon said bitterly. “But oh right, you were busy having a pity party part for yourself.”

“You've been drinking.” Alaska stated, only just noticing the cans of PBR littering the room.

“No shit, sweetheart.” Sharon said. “You jealous? I'm surprised you didn't go out and get wasted.”

“Shar….” Alaska said, a bit hurt.

“Fuck this, Alaska!”

“Please Sharon,”

“I'm serious.” Sharon was seething and she reached to take a swig from a half-empty beer. “We’re together, you don't get to do this, you don't get to act like you're the only one who’s hurting.”

“Stop this.” Alaska hit the can with her hands, brushing it away from Sharon’s reach. “You always get like this when you're drunk.”

“Like what?!” Sharon slurred, coming up to Alaska’s face and she flinched back. “Did you think I was gonna hit you? Fuck Alaska, I'm not that heartless.”

“I miss her too! Fuck, you know I miss her too.”

She sat down on the couch, defeated, and Sharon’s anger melted away. She was overreacting and she knew it. The alcohol certainly didn't help but it wasn't an excuse for scaring the love her life. They were both upset, and coping in different, albeit unhealthy ways. She sat next to Alaska, their thighs brushing gently and she took her hand. “I'm sorry for getting angry. I just didn't know what you were gonna do. Fuck, baby, you can't just leave when you're like that, you could have been in an accident.”

“I know, I'm sorry Shar.”

“You didn't take anything, right?”

“No, god no.”

“We’re not gonna do this again, we’re gonna talk to each other next time, right? And when Violet comes home we’ll talk with her too?”

Alaska nodded and buried her face in the crook of Sharon’s neck. They would be alright.

\----------

They talked for awhile, before falling into silence. Fame pulled out her laptop to put on a movie or show, anything to distract Violet from everything going on in her life. They settled on the live-action Cinderella, and Fame was immediately entranced by the hair, the makeup, and the costumes worn by the actors in the film.

As they watched, Violet couldn't help but notice how pretty Fame was. It wasn't like she hadn't seen it before, the girl exuded glamour and perfection the second they'd met but there was a tugging in her chest, a fondness for the way Fame’s dark eyelashes hit her cheeks when she blinked, for the sparkle in her eyes and the curve of her lips. Maybe Violet was feeling a bit vulnerable, but she turned to her friend and asked.

“Can I kiss you?”

Fame looked surprised, turning away from the movie, but nodded faintly after licking her lips.

Their lips met gently at first, barely touching and then coming apart again. Violet met Fame’s eyes before going in again, with a little more pressure. The kiss got more passionate as she rolled herself on top of her friend, gripping gently onto the sides of her face. She began to trail to the corner of her mouth, and went to nip at her ear when she heard Fame’s voice.

“I think we should stop.” The girl said, a bit breathlessly.

Violet pulled away, reluctantly.

“Violet, do you like me?” Fame asked her, sitting up on the bed and flattening out the wrinkles in the sheets with her hands.

“Yes?”

“No, like do you actually like me?”

Violet went quiet.

“I think you should go home.” The girl stood up, closing her laptop and stopping the movie.

“Fame….”

“I don't mean it in a condescending way, you know I love you, but it feels like you're stalling because you're scared but you know that they love you and will forgive you.”

“What if they don't want me?” Violet said, her voice small.

“They've both left a hundred voicemails on your phone, honey, they want you.”

“I don't just mean this time, but what if I mess up again? I can't be responsible for Alaska relapsing, Fame, I can't.”

“She is a grown woman, and your mother at that, she's supposed to worry about you, not the other way around. If she relapses, it won't be your fault.”

Violet nodded, trying to assure herself.

“I know that this isn't easy to believe considering your past, but people don't just leave. Not good, decent people who love you.” Fame smiled, and Violet knew she was right. “Go home, Violet. I'll still be here tomorrow.” 

 


	11. Chapter 11

Violet was standing outside the apartment building in just a thin sweater and jeans. She hadn't brought a coat and somehow in the whole ordeal of the last two days she'd never noticed that it was winter, and though it was in the high 30s in Pittsburgh, it was still cold not to have a proper coat. 

She was stalling and she knew it. The fears she had been reminding herself weren't real since leaving Fame’s seemed a bit louder now that she was so close. She clutched onto the crystal in her hand a little more tightly, but not too hard that she'd break it. It was a piece of smooth, clear crystal quartz. Her friend had given it to her for good luck, along with a kiss in the cheek, and she could only hope it would work. She certainly needed it. 

Violet took a few deep breaths, closing her eyes and letting the wind whistle around her. 

People don't just leave, she parroted Fame’s words in her head. And that counted herself. If she loved and cared about Sharon and Alaska, she owed them staying and trying to work things out. 

“You need us to buzz you in, or are you just gonna stand there for another twenty minutes?” 

Violet was startled, and opened her eyes to see Sharon standing on the steps of the apartment building in front of her. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she leaned casually on the doorway. Violet couldn't help the smile that snuck onto her face at hearing Sharon joke around, like usual. 

She grinned at the woman, who immediately wrapped her in a warm hug as she walked up to meet her. 

“Alaska is asleep upstairs.” Sharon whispered into Violet’s hair, and she could tell how much her foster mom had missed her in how she held on just a little longer even as Violet began to pull away. There was still a lot unsaid, but it felt like reminding each other of the genuine love present was the most important thing in the moment. 

“Is she ok?” Violet couldn't help but be concerned about Alaska. It was evening now, and the last time she'd seen the woman upset she'd been practically bedridden for two days. She could only hope it wouldn't be too bad this time around.

“Yeah, neither of us slept much so she was tired.” Sharon didn't sound upset with her, and Violet didn't know how. It was certainly her fault after all for leaving without a trace. The stream of texts and missed calls she'd gotten at Fame’s when she plugged in her phone had told her they'd been up, worried sick, most of the night. 

“Are you ok?” Violet wasn't stupid. She could smell the remnants of alcohol on Sharon, but she didn't seem drunk or hungover now. It had definitely been a while ago then. 

“I should be asking you that question, not the other way around.” Sharon joked, with a hint of seriousness to her voice. Violet took that as a hint not to worry about Sharon.

They made their way upstairs together and Sharon’s presence was completely opposite of when they'd fought. The woman had an eerie sense of calm about her now.

Sharon opened the door, and it was a bit like the first time they'd brought her home because she didn't know what to expect. The doorway and living room looked foreign to her, and she noticed that the coffee table lamp was flickering much more weakly than she remembered. 

“Violet?”

Violet looked in the direction of the voice, spotting Alaska drowsily emerging from her and Sharon’s bedroom. The woman looked like she couldn't believe her eyes, and it made Violet feel more guilty. She'd obviously really worried them. 

“Hey mom.” She said meekly, frozen in place for a second looking at the floor. Of course neither of them were angry, as if she hadn't already felt like shit before. They were too good for her. 

“Come here.” Alaska said, and her voice cracked a little bit as she gestured for Violet to walk. Violet went to hug her, and the woman’s breath sped up alarmingly as they embraced and she could feel her trying to hold back tears. 

“You can cry.” Violet told Alaska without malice. “I won't think you're weak if you do.”

That was enough for Alaska to drop the calm demeanour she'd been maintaining. Her body shook gently with sobs as she held Violet against her. “I am weak, sometimes.” She sniffled. 

“But you're always strong again.” Sharon reminded her gently from her spot beside them.

“I love you so much and I missed you.” The tears were short lived, and Alaska seemed to recover fairly well. Violet would be lying if she said her own eyes hadn't gotten a bit watery too. 

“I'm sorry for worrying you, both of you.” Violet said. Alaska squeezed her tighter as if to say it was ok. 

“Can you forgive me?” Alaska asked Violet as they ended their hug. “I was having a hard time with you not opening up and I know I was a bit controlling because of it. I need to be ok with the fact that I can't stop any of us making mistakes, and I wasn't thinking about your feelings, or Shar’s. I do break down sometimes, and I’m usually overreacting. I must still be a pageant girl at heart.” Sharon chuckled lightly from beside them before Alaska continued. “I'm going to work on it, and I promise that I love caring for you. No matter what it's never going to be too much.” 

“I'm sorry too.” Violet answered. She didn't feel angry anymore, just guilty. They'd just been trying to help her and she'd treated them like shit. Neither of them deserved that, even if they had gotten upset with her. It had been justified after all. In the silence that followed, Violet couldn't help herself from blurting out, “Me and Matt broke Sharon’s Miss US crown.”

Alaska’s face made a bit of an ‘O’ shape, but before she could even react Sharon piped in. 

“It's fine.” She squeezed Violet’s shoulder reassuringly. 

“I'm so sorry, Sharon.” 

“It was ugly, and completely impractical in any social situation. And God, it was fucking heavy too.” She articulated a bit theatrically. “It’s fine, Violet.”

“I'm not, easy.” Violet began, tucking her hair behind her ears nervously. “I know that. I was scared, and that's why I didn't want to tell you. I was afraid you guys would decide you didn't want me because I'm hard to take care of, and I'm mean sometimes. I've never had people who wanted me unconditionally, you know? Like, when I used to make stupid-ass decisions, I’d get sent to a new home.” There had been times when it hadn't even been her fault, but even one slip up could mean being sent away again. Permanence was fake to her, most of the time. “I just kept waiting for you guys to realize you made a mistake in taking me in, I was waiting to fuck it all up and I did.” 

“You didn't fuck it up; we all made mistakes but what matters is we’re fixing them now.” Alaska said gently and Sharon opened her mouth to speak. 

“Violet, we decided to foster a child even though we had other options. We knew we could be taking on someone with a lot of insecurities and potentially a history that involved trauma and abuse. Of course we considered that it would be difficult, especially considering our own pasts and even current mental health issues. However, we knew that we wanted to be there to help and support and love someone with every part of our being.” Sharon explained. “Even if they made ‘stupid ass decisions’.” She made finger quotes around Violet’s words, smiling as she spoke. 

“We chose you, Violet.” Alaska added. 

“And even though we'd only planned on fostering you until you finished high school, or had to be moved again, we fell in love with you so fast. If only you'd seen how excited Alaska was when she suggested adoption.” Sharon gave her girlfriend a squeeze on the arm. 

“I fell in love with you guys too.” Violet admitted. “You have been nothing but amazing to me. I've never been somewhere where I've felt as wanted and supported and free as I have here and I'm sorry for all the shit I said and I'm sorry for leaving and scaring you.”

“And we’re both sorry for what we said too. We love you Violet; we want you and nothing is going to change that.” Sharon looked to Alaska, who nodded in agreement before speaking. 

“Do you promise to ask for help if you need it? And maybe talk to us every once in awhile. I don't want to be overbearing on you, it's not like you owe us every detail of your life, just if it's something that you know would worry us, I'd-we’d appreciate it.” Alaska took Sharon’s hand in hers. 

“I can do that. Or at the very least I can start to try.” Violet acquiesced. 

“You can't just leave like that again. We need to talk to each other.” Sharontold her. “We were scared out of our minds, Violet.” 

“I know, I'm so sorry. I promise I won't do that ever again.” She paused. “Can you promise me something too?” 

Sharon and Alaska both nodded intently. 

“I don't want to have to say this because I know you're adults but this is part of me opening up.” She took a deep breath, urging herself to go on despite how vulnerable it made her feel. “Do you promise that if either of you ever relapse, we are going to find a way to stay together and deal with it?” 

“Yes.” Alaska immediately answered as Sharon opened her mouth. “I promise to work very hard not to get to that point. I promise to try my best to deal in other ways. And if it happens, because I can't assure you that it won't, I promise to get help and talk to you every step of the way.” 

“Same here.” Sharon added. “I promise that we won't ever leave you.”

How had they even come to such a misunderstanding? Violet wondered. These people were wonderful, and she berated herself for pushing them away. They were a family, and family figured things out together. 

“Thank you for choosing me.” She whispered, her voice betraying her sentimentality. Her two moms wrapped her up in a final, albeit awkward hug. Sharon stroked her hair gently, while Alaska gave her a kiss on the cheek, and Violet had never felt more loved.

“Now onto more serious matters.” Sharon spoke up as the three of them pulled away. “Dinnertime has passed, and thank goodness you're back Violet because I tried to make soup and it turned all lumpy and green.” 

“Oh my god...” Violet complained, rolling her eyes, but she couldn't stop the smile on her face. 

This was right where she belonged.

 

They had some dinner, Violet made grilled cheese, and everything fell back into place. There was an honesty about the family’s conversation that hadn't been as prevalent before. It wasn't long before Sharon broke out with some stories about her and Alaska growing up together. 

Violet always loved hearing about their pasts. They really only mentioned things in passing most of the time, and it was nice to hear actual recounts. It was honestly wild for Violet to think about the two women being anything except the responsible adults she knew as her parents. 

“I was such an asshole to you.”

“No.” Alaska protested in her signature drawl, gripping onto Sharon’s arm affectionately. 

“No, I was. I went to her, I said to Alaska ‘if you won't go out on a date with me, I'll drop out of school’.” Sharon recounted. “I was such a drama queen.”

“And I said no. You must have asked me a hundred times, I was the asshole.” 

“And I'm the one who was relentless in pestering you even though you said no a hundred times.” 

“Well, it worked, didn't it?” 

It made them closer. It was the kind of stuff most children got to learn about their parents throughout growing up, but they had lost time to make up for. 

They talked about pageants, when they started dating, but not much about their parents or childhood, which Violet could understand. 

“I'm guessing there won't be family vacations with the grandparents, will there?” She asked, sarcasm laced in her voice. 

Alaska gave Sharon a look that Violet couldn't read.

“You're right. We don't talk much about our parents, probably because neither of us talk to our parents.” Alaska said a bit vaguely. 

“Neither of us had a very good childhood, and as a result, our families aren't a part of our lives anymore.” Sharon paused. “That being said, if it's important to you to fill those spaces, we can arrange for you to meet them. You can meet my mother, and maybe Alaska’s parents. I won't have you meet my dad, I'd have to know where he is for that.” 

Violet could relate to that. “My mom never told me about my dad, only that he was a ‘lying bastard’ who abandoned us. He left when I was three so I don't remember him. It's not like my mom was any better even though she was there.”

The two women listened intently as Violet opened up. 

“But, I don't need to meet them, your parents. If you don't speak to them, I'm sure there's a good reason. Family is the people you choose, right? The people who choose you.” 

“Of course.”

“Then I've got everything I need right here.” Violet paused. “Who needs a dad when you've got two moms, right?”


	12. Chapter 12

Violet was walking from her French class alone on Monday afternoon when Matt caught up to her. She hadn't seen him since the other night when they'd kissed, and she was frankly unsure of how to act around him. She felt guilty over how she'd treated him, and she still wasn't certain about how she felt about what had happened. Avoiding him had been the easiest option, but of course it hadn’t lasted long.

“Hey.” Matt greeted her with his standard nonchalance, but she could tell he was nervous by how his hands fidgeted in his pockets as he walked beside her.

“Hey.” She replied, trying to judge the situation. Matt didn’t seem angry, if anything he looked like he was holding something in. Violet didn’t want to force it, so she just relaxed her face so her brows weren’t furrowed and her mouth didn’t have its signature “bitch pout”. Maybe he’d feel a little better then.

“Listen Violet, I'm really sorry about what happened. I was being stupid and I wasn't thinking.” Matt finally explained.

“It's ok.”

Matt looked unconvinced.

“No, really it's ok. You didn't really do anything wrong. I actually had a good time before it all got out of hand.” That much was true. Violet had never been able to let her guard down like that before in her whole life. It was so nice to be able to feel like a real teenager, if only for a moment. Maybe they shouldn’t have gotten so drunk, and maybe they shouldn’t have broken into that building, but it had honestly been harmless fun. Everything had just happened so fast that Violet’s brain hadn’t been able to catch up with her actions.

“Were Sharon and Alaska really mad?”

“They were at first. But not about the crown, or the drinking or any of that really. We’re ok now.”

“I'm really glad….”

They walked together in silence for a moment. There was still some kind of unresolved tension between them that hadn't been there before. Was it always going to be like this? It had just been a kiss and a silly fight, nothing monumental. Violet looked over at Matt; his blonde hair was messy against his forehead, and his blue eyes wandered in the awkwardness between them, not meeting hers. True, she didn't know if she was really attracted to him, but she cared about the boy a lot and had found a genuine friend in him that she'd never expected to discover. She selfishly hoped she hadn't compromised that after their kiss.

“I still feel bad and I’d really like to make it up to you.” Matt broke the silence, pulling Violet out of her thoughts. “The Winter Formal is coming up this Friday and I don't know if you like dances or if you're going with someone already but if you're not, would you like to go with me? As friends?” Matt blurted out faster than she'd ever heard him speak before.

“Oh.” Violet paused. “I already told Fame I'd go with her, as friends. But I wouldn't be opposed to a third musketeer?”

“She doesn't still hate me?”

“If me and my stone-cold heart can warm up to you, I'm positive she can.” Fame had a good heart; she wouldn't be hard to win over.

“Ok.” Matt agreed, smiling sheepishly.

“Ok.” Violet gave him a smirk and turned the corner into her next class.

\-------

As Friday rolled around, Violet and Fame were getting ready for the dance at Violet’s.

Alaska had helped Violet sew her own dress for the event, which had been very exciting. Violet had always been interested in fashion design, and Alaska had the skillset to properly teach her how to sew for the first time. It had also been an opportunity for them to talk more about Alaska’s life.

“Did you learn all of this for art school?” Violet had asked Alaska as the woman was showing her how to pin her fabric tightly to the pattern they'd made together.

“Some. I did a lot of fibre and performance work in school. It was definitely… experimental in my early years.”

“Oh my god, please tell me you have them on video.”

“I don't.” Violet sighed in disappointment. “But I'm sure Sharon does….” Alaska continued.

That had become a wonderful afternoon of watching not only Alaska’s cringey, but simultaneously brilliant, performance pieces filmed on Sharon’s grainy video camera, but also sneaky clips Alaska had taken of Sharon’s run in Miss Pennsylvania US. It was sickeningly sweet how much the two of them seemed to adore each other. And even with the distraction they'd still finished Violet’s dress in time for Friday.

The gown was made out of deep purple lace layered over top of solid lilac fabric. It had a sweetheart neckline with short, frilly sleeves over the shoulders and it fell just above her knees. Overall, the dress was simple but had vintage inspiration; Violet was really pleased with the result considering it was her first project. She paired the look with an amethyst necklace she’d borrowed from Alaska.

 

Her and Fame were painting their nails when Sharon knocked, with a visitor in tow. Matt scratched the back of his head nervously as he greeted Violet and Fame from the doorway of Violet’s bedroom.

“What's he doing here?” Fame asked a bit coldly, and Violet berated herself for putting off telling her friend that he’d be joining them.

“He's alright, Fame, I swear.”

The blonde girl raised her eyebrows but didn’t say anything.

“He asked to join us for the dance, and I know we both could use your esteemed fashion and beauty advice.” Fame finally seemed to take a breath, content with the compliment.

Sharon ushered Matt into the room, but lingered in the doorway, obviously wanting to speak.

“Do you guys need anything?” She asked cheerfully, observing the fun.

“No mom.” Violet rolled her eyes but smiled.

“Ok. I'm trying to be the cool mom, so I'll get out of your way. Let me know if you need snacks or drinks or anything.”

Violet nodded a bit expectantly.

“Ok, ok I'll get out.” She raised her hands in surrender.

Sharon turned and left so Violet invited Matt to take a seat on the floor next to her.

“Hello Matthew.” Fame said a bit curtly, barely looking up from her manicure to meet his eyes.

“You can call me Matt.”

“Alright Matt, do you have anything to wear tonight?” Fame stopped her work and looked the boy over. Violet could see the wheels turning in her head; the girl could never turn down a fashion project, even if said project was an asshole sometimes.

Matt pulled a basic, black suit jacket, pants, and a shirt out of the garment bag he'd entered with.

“It's nothing special, really.” He said sheepishly. “What are you guys wearing?”

Violet showed him her dress, and he looked impressed, especially knowing she’d made it herself. Fame had also chosen a beautiful, strapless tan gown that hugged her form down to her knees then billowed out in a mermaid silhouette. They'd wanted to make sure their outfits complemented each other, so Violet had worn nude pumps and Fame had a lilac stole.

“Wow, those are really nice.” Matt remarked upon seeing both of their dresses. He seemed sincere but his voice held a tinge of sadness.

“Matt, what's wrong?”

“It's nothing, it's stupid.”

“It's ok.”

“We’re the last people who'd judge you.” Fame assured him, clearly warming up to the boy now that she saw some vulnerability.

“I'm just gonna look so plain in my hand-me-down suit and you both are going to be stunning.”

“Well… I'm not sure if Sharon and Alaska have any boy’s clothes…..” Violet trailed off.

Matt was quiet.

“Do you want to wear boy’s clothes?”

Silence again.

“I don't know.” He finally answered.

“Matt, this is going to be blunt but, do you think you're like me?” Violet blurted out.

“Like, transgender?”

Violet nodded.

“I don't think it's the same, like, I'm not a girl.” Matt began to play with his hands, not meeting Violet’s eyes. He was obviously uncomfortable, but not closed to the discussion.

“I don't exactly feel like a girl either; gender doesn't feel like it applies to me, I just like to present as femme, you know?” Violet added.

“I don't mind presenting as a boy, like I am a boy, but I like those things, necklaces, hair, lipstick.” He elaborated. “I am happy as Matt, I am Matt, but I want more sometimes too.”

“Do you think you want to do drag, Matt?” Fame piped in.

“Like, dressing up as a girl?”

“Like gender as performance. Playing around with those feminine things you like, but not changing your gender.” Violet explained.

“That sounds kind of cool.” He sounded reluctant to admit it.

“Do you want to go to the dance in drag?” Violet pushed.

“What? No! No way. Everyone would make fun of me.”

“Ok, ok. One step at a time.” Fame said gently. “Why don't you try on that suit and let's see what we can do.”

Matt went to the bathroom to change.

The suit wasn't horrible, considering Matt had borrowed it from an older cousin. The pants were nice and the jacket fit him well in the shoulders, but the white shirt and tie looked like they were strangling him.

Violet got an idea and she ran into Alaska and Sharon’s closet to borrow a dark grey turtleneck shirt. She had him try that instead, and he immediately looked more comfortable and casual.

The whole look began to come together. Fame styled Matt’s hair so it was slicked back, and with encouragement he allowed her to do some makeup. The lines of gender began to blur as she traced his eyes with black and a hint of glitter, and he even let her paint on bold red lips that matched Violet’s. The final touch was the classic pearl necklace he'd worn the other night.

He looked at himself in the mirror, shocked but (hopefully) not upset. “Wow.” He said in a breathy voice.

“Do you like it?”

“I do.” He made a show of running his hand through his slicked-back hair. “Does this make me gay now?”

“Oh my fucking God, Matt.” Violet exclaimed, and there was the normal, slightly problematic but kind-hearted, Matt.

“That was shitty, sorry.” He blushed. “I think I am kinda gay though.” He said much more seriously.

“Aren't we all?” Fame stated the obvious, rolling her eyes, but not unkindly. She glanced sideways at Violet but the girl kept her face stoic.

“Now let's get out of here so that Sharon and Alaska can take the million pictures I know they'll want without us being too late.”

\-------

Violet wouldn't consider herself much of a dancer. But compared to Matt and Fame, she was practically a prima ballerina. Fame wasn't terrible with the actual movements, but she had no sense of rhythm at all, and Matt…. well he had about as much grace as a baby elephant. Luckily there weren't very high expectations for a high school dance. In fact, the atmosphere was a lot more chill than Violet had originally expected. Someone had definitely spiked the punch, and everyone was having a good time and didn't bother them the whole night. They danced all three of them, taking turns laughing at each other.

“Violet!” Two voices yelled out in unison.

Violet turned to see Katya and Trixie walking her way with linked arms. Trixie looked more than a little tipsy, and was visible leaning on Katya for support.

“You look so beautiful!” Katya exclaimed, reaching a hand to touch Violet’s shoulder. The gesture was enough to call Matt and Fame’s attention away from their failed dance attempts.

“Katya!” Fame yelled in excitement, rushing to hug her and Trixie at the same time. “Are you guys here together?” She asked, as if it wasn't obvious.

“Oh yeah!” Katya answered fairly loudly, and Trixie blushed but didn't look upset.

“That’s so nice! I'm so happy for you two.” Fame looked like she was getting emotional, but she was always sentimental about romance if any kind.

“Matt?” Trixie asked, almost as if she didn't recognize the boy.

“Yeah?” He said tentatively, broken out of his carefree daze. He suddenly seemed self-conscious of his appearance and the makeup on his face. He bit his lip a bit nervously, Violet noticed.

“You look really good.” Trixie said fondly, maybe even proudly.

“Thanks Tracy…” Matt’s eyes shone as he pulled out her old nickname. “I think I finally get why you wear so much makeup.” He joked, gesturing to his own face then hers.

“Yeah?”

“To look like a hooker.”

Trixie burst into laughter that quickly spurred Katya and the rest of the group to join. “Ooh, you bitch!” She yelled at Matt, who looked rather pleased with himself. “Maybe if you're lucky someone will want to take you home.”

Violet made sure to look straight ahead but she could tell Matt was looking at her through her peripheral vision.

Eventually Katya and Trixie returned to their date, and they were contrasting figures in hot pink and black and red, but somehow it all worked together as they spun rather expertly on the dance floor.

As the night came to a close, Fame was sleepy and that meant she was affectionate. Violet linked her arms around her waist as Fame leaned her head on her shoulder and closed her eyes. They swayed together to some slow song Violet didn't recognize, content in the calm.

She was grateful to have someone who seemed to support her no matter what she did. Sometimes Violet didn't know how Fame could still put up with her when she was being cunty and insensitive, but as much as she hated to admit it, she was insecure about just about everything and needed constant reassurance that she was loved. Fame seemed happy to give her that.

“Fame?” Violet whispered as people began to leave the dance floor.

“Mhmm?” The other girl mumbled, not opening her eyes.

“I think it's time to go home.” Violet looked up at Matt over Fame’s shoulder, who smiled and nodded, coming over to stand closer to them.

“Oh, but I don't want to go…”

“C’mon, you can barely stand on your own two feet.”

“I’m just having the best time ever, aren't you guys? This has been the perfect night.”

Violet couldn't agree more, but every night had to end.

Her and Matt managed to get Fame into the car, and they dropped her off at home first. The blonde gave Violet a gentle peck on the cheek before bidding them both goodnight.

Violet dropped Matt off next, and they sat in the car outside his house for a moment.

“Are you gonna be ok to go home like this?” Violet asked, hating that she had to at all.

Matt only then seemed to remember that he was wearing makeup.

“Oh.” He said gently, but not as scared as he usually appeared when discussing his family. “Do you have anything I can use to take this off?”

She nodded, fumbling for some makeup wipes in her bag. Matt took off as much as he could in the car mirror in the dark, and Violet was so sad to see him have to do it. She could relate to not feeling safe to present how she truly felt. He tried to give her back the pearl necklace he'd borrowed but she insisted he keep it. Sharon certainly wouldn't wear it anymore.

“I’m sorry you have to do that.” She spoke.

“It's ok.” He said calmly, and she raised an eyebrow. “My parents are not my rulers, you know? And I'm not gonna let them stop me anymore. Maybe one day I'll be able to explain it to them and they'll begin to understand.”

“I hope they will.”

Matt sat quietly for another second before speaking up. “Violet, I want you to know you don't have to worry about me.”

“You're my friend, of course I worry about you.”

“I mean, you don't have to worry about hurting my feelings.” Matt continued. “You know I like you, obviously, but I don't think you feel the same and I'm content to have you as my friend if that's all you can give. Because you've really been my best friend, I mean it.”

“Matt, I-

“No really, I feel like I'm finally finding myself, and that's thanks to you. I want you to go after whatever _you_ truly want, can you promise me that?”

“Ok.”

“Ok?”

“Yes, now get out of the car, you big lug!” Violet wrapped the boy in a tight hug and let him go.

She drove home, but she had so much on her mind that the drive went by in a flash.

“Oh, hi….” Violet entered the apartment, head still spinning from the wonderful night she'd had. She was surprised to see Sharon and Alaska sitting on the couch in the living room. “I didn't think you'd still be up.”

“Don't worry, we weren’t just sitting here all night worried about you.” Sharon joked.

“Actually, we have something to give you. I know it's late we were just really excited.” Alaska added.

“Ok…..” Violet didn't know what could be so important, and good mind you, that it warranted them waiting into the late hours of the night for her. She looked at them both expectantly, and after a few long seconds of her two foster moms smiling at each other, Alaska burst out with:

“You're ours! The paperwork went through.”

“Oh my god, I'm adopted?”

“Yes baby, you're our daughter.”

Violet felt tears welling up in her eyes and she didn't stop them from trailing down her cheeks. Maybe it was a combination of everything that had happened tonight along with the realization of how this was the happiest she'd ever been in her entire life, but she found herself sobbing before long.

“I'm sorry.” She apologized, trying to wipe her cheeks dry as more tears fell.

“It's ok.” Alaska pulled her over the couch and gave her a tight hug.

“What are you feeling right now, Vi?” Sharon asked.

“I’m just so happy. I never thought I'd have friends and family who love me and that I love so equally in return.”

Sharon went to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate as Violet calmed down, but it wasn't the normal kind from a powder mix. No, she melted two bars of chocolate into some milk on the stove and stirred it until it was warm and smooth. Violet was surprised that she hadn't burnt it, considering her past kitchen endeavours. However, it seemed that Sharon was a hot chocolate connoisseur; it was one of the best things Violet had ever tasted.

Violet sipped the rich liquid and let the warmth fill up her body.

Sharon fell asleep in Alaska’s lap not much later, and god they were such a cheesy cliche of a family but Violet had never been lucky enough to have cliches before. She indulged herself, in what she would later call a moment of weakness, turned the lights in the kitchen off and went back to the couch to join them. 

 

 

 


End file.
